I apologise for my previous post. after thinking about that panic-fuelled rant, i decided to calm down and look around me. i went to the H3 briefing today and saw many faces i didnt expect. i saw people just like me, with sports CCAs and A divs this year. i even saw councillors, who have decided to put in the effort despite all the work that they have to do. in the big scheme of things, i am just another person. my personal schedule problems are no more severe or noteworthy than anyone else's, and in fact some of the H3 applicants seem to face time management problems that dwarf mine in comparison. i have no right to complain about anything.
so up till then, my mind was pretty settled and i even felt content with my schedule of programmes. then, fate brought me to yet another set of crossroads, and this time it will be even harder for me to choose. after the briefing, mr tek got me and another person (whom i dont know) to stay behind. apparently, the two of us have been specifically chosen out of the entire cohort because NJC believes that "your potential is still not fully stretched" and wants to appeal to the MOE for us to be able to take two H3 subjects. we have until this friday to decide.
on the one hand, i recognise how extremely blessed i am to have this opportunity in the first place. how many people can say that they take not one, but two H3 subjects? this is quite literally a once-in-a-million-lifetimes chance. if i do decide to take this chance, and the appeal does go through, and i manage to pull everything off nicely, then i stand a very real chance of getting into university on scholarship.
and yet on the other hand, there is quite a real risk of all this affecting my normal H2 subjects. if i take two H3 subjects and it turns out that i cant even keep my H2s afloat, then everything would have gone to waste when i get back my A level cert. also not to mention how i will have to give up painfully huge chunks of my leisure time. but one of my biggest worries is hockey - having one H3 will already affect how much effort i can spend on hockey; having two is a guarantee that i will have to make some sacrifices.
i hate having to make this choice; really i do. i wish that i didnt have to worry about any of this, that all i had to do was focus on integrating my one H3 subject into my life and not having to think about adding another one. i may sound like one of those insensitive arrogant idiots who say things like "i have way too much money on my hands", but really i wish i was limited to only one and didnt have to choose.
current status: undecided. deadline: friday.
