So many things have happened the past week...
We started of with the notorious field camp. It was one of the most physically and mentally draining periods I've ever had to go through. Simple tasks like walking now take up a lot of energy since you're constantly wearing boots and trekking through uneven forest ground. Worst of all, unlike training at company line there is very little actual free time because you are constantly on at least medium alert to prevent your rifle from getting stunned (that's stolen by commanders for you non-NS speakers), not to mention the sentry duties that prevent you from getting a good night's rest. Sometimes, even though you think you know what to expect and you think you've gone in mentally prepared, things can still affect you deep inside. My weakness is others' suffering.
So field camp ended on Thursday, and I booked out on Friday afternoon, just in time to collect 'A' level results: C for econs. After all the hopes and expectations laid down on me by the school, I have to say that I have failed to meet their mark. Just like that, their secret weapon which they had been grooming since the start of last year had crashed and burned at the last moment, and hastily swept under the carpet. Just as well; I'd rather fade back into obscurity than have the school announce to everyone that I have failed. To be fair to myself, I didn't fail utterly: I very nearly achieved the seemingly impossible goal, but in life nobody looks for near-success. Truthfully, if you take away all external factors, I'm actually pretty satisfied with my results. Humanities have never been my forte, be it lit in secondary school or econs in JC. I hit an upswing during 'O' levels, and now I've hit a downswing for 'A' levels, and I'm completely alright with not being able to fluke my way through humanities subjects all the time. The problem is that although I'm satisfied with results, the DSTA scholarship board and the university application boards my not be as impressed. If I really lose this amazing opportunity that has been the culmination of months of effort and sheer good fortune, I'd truly be disappointed in myself. In any case, there's no use grousing now. The fact of the matter is that I just can't be well-rounded.
Despite all that, I regret nothing. It has been a great experience being able to take both H3 NTU Contemporary Physics and H3 MOE Mathematics, being able to gain a much deeper understanding of the daily routine which we learn in school. In any case, I doubt that the extra time freed up by sacrificing one of them would have been of much help to my econs. I burned bright, I burned out.
