Tomorrow is the last paper; tomorrow it all ends.
I have seas of paper covering my desk, all scrawled with rough workings from my revision. To my right, I've stacked up all the 'A' level question papers I could bring home. Every time I look at them, I think back to those few hours where I sat in that plastic chair and scribbled furiously on foolscap paper, and what I could have and should have done better. Yes, a lot of thinking, but ultimately it's all useless without action, like a barking dog without teeth. I know that the best way to move on from all this is to take action and learn from my mistakes, but this is, at least for the next two years, the end; where can I apply anything now? It makes my mistakes feel even more costly, because nothing useful can be gleaned from them. Regret is a useless emotion, and I'll definitely have my ways and means to suppress it in the coming months. I just hope that about 5 months from now, when we get back our results, I can eradicate this feeling for real.
I wish my rational and emotional halves can be separated. When I try and think rationally, my emotions cloud my judgement and cause me to focus on the favoured conclusion rather than the logical one; I try to make the evidence fit the conclusion rather than the other way round. And then when I try to think emotionally, my rationality steps in and points out all the holes in my dreams, reminding me why they will forever be nothing but dreams and making me plummet back to reality. I'd much rather never experience flying than have to endure the pain of falling after every sojourn in the skies; rather be born blind than have my sight robbed from me before I've had my fill of colour.
When I woke up this morning, I had the strange urge to discover some non-metal music. And so I discovered Little Boots. Granted, junjie introduced her to me quite a while back, but this is the first time I really went to listen to all of her work. In particular, I like this song:
It's not metal, but it's still not very mainstream either. It's kind of like indie electropop? (indie pop has always been an oxymoron for me) Personally I still can't bring myself to truly enjoy mainstream pop like so many masses in today's world do. Maybe I'm just weird. (who am I kidding, maybe?)
There's a class outing tomorrow :) I guess that's all fine and good, but we're watching that Rapunzel movie (what's the name again?) in 3D for $11 *heart breaks* I guess a last-ditch effort at class bonding takes precedence over a crying wallet. I can't decide personally if I still have hope that our class will find its spirit. I guess I've become used to a zombie class: half alive, half dead.
Maybe it's because I've never actually seen colour before.
