Long Overdue Notice of Relocation

OK, this should have come a long time ago, but it's not like anybody visits anymore.

New blog at http://routinepercussivemaintenance.wordpress.com/. Come visit.

Or not; I'm a blog post, not a cop.

(bonus points for recognising that it's a Simpsons reference)

Public diary

I think the reason why people like to keep personal blogs like this that are still open to the public, is that it gives them the false hope that someone, somewhere out there is reading and empathising. Just throwing that out there.

My resistance to the effects of lack of sleep has sharply decreased. I'm getting old.

It is only now that I realise how true they are, all those adages and truisms about trust being like a mirror and whatnot; about how you can never fully repair it once it is broken. "Forgive and forget" is much easier said than done, and right now I'm functioning not so much on forgiveness as I am on pity. Then again, pity itself is a very strong emotion as well.

It's like I built a tower reaching towards the heavens, standing atop four pillars. I just hope that at the end of the day, at least one of them will survive for my audacious charge towards the sky. Otherwise, everything will come crashing down.

And now I'm going to dump a whole bunch of Homestuck songs that I've come to like, because blog.

It's too late to apologise

So, it's been a long time.

With the start of my joint HubPages project with 2 of my NS friends (I'll refrain from advertising my URL here), I now have a new and perhaps more productive avenue through which I can express myself with writing. As such, the blog has largely become obsolete for me, save for the times when I feel the need to express feelings too personal or maybe too gloomy to be weaved into some sort of cash cow. Which I guess is know.

What am I supposed to think when someone considers all his options and then decides to walk away, only to keep poking his head through your window? I want to believe in second chances, but such indecision just reeks of half-heartedness and a lack of genuine commitment. I know that I come from a society which practically obliges me to forgive him, but on a personal level I have always believed that bloodline and age should never be used as excuses for shoddy or even downright callous decision-making. Call me stone-hearted; call me unforgiving, but as things stand right now I would rather weld the door shut than risk another breaking-and-entering. The only reason why the door is still open now is for the sake of humouring the other people involved.

Maybe I've always been this cold-blooded. Maybe I only became like this after the incident. I don't really care for the history lesson anymore.

Operationally Ready Date

The more observant among my readership might have noticed that the little countdown window at the top right hand corner of my blog that has been counting down for the past one and a half years or so has finally stopped counting down. For the less informed of you, that means that yes, I have officially ORDed.

It was a rather interesting experience for me. The supposedly typical scene of ORD has always been of a bunch of crazy maniacs running around and shouting at the top of their lungs with their pink ICs stuck on their foreheads while their ex-superiors look on powerless, no longer commanding the authority to stop them. However, my actual ORD experience was far more subtle. I walked into camp and had a small chat with the people who were in the office at the time, then proceeded to the CCO to collect my IC. Of course there was joy and laughter, because in the end it truly is a happy and long-awaited milestone, but there was also a bittersweet sense of farewell as we said our goodbyes to the people we've met over the course of our journey.

Considering how I still have many fond memories of my two years of JC, it's not hard to imagine that I've also gained many meaningful experiences through my 22 months of NS. Of course, many of them are memories that bring a cringe onto my face when I remember them, such as doing push-ups on the scalding-hot basketball court on bookout day during BMT, or having to stay in SI until 9pm on bookout night to clean the toilet, and even having to polish the tracks of a tracked vehicle with black shoe polish. However, nestled amongst the many exhausting and tiring challenges that I have faced the past 22 months are also a few gems of memories; memories of sharing simple joys with new-found friends, of working together with your platoon to achieve what you initially thought was impossible, and of meeting and greeting people from all walks of life. As tough and painful as the past 2 years have been, they have also been equally precious and priceless, and as grudgingly as I have to say this it still must be said: NS has been an absolutely necessary part of my life and I cannot imagine what I would be like today without it.

So it is not with arrogant triumph or condescending sneering that I say this, but with the same nostalgic thoughtfulness with which one might turn the pages of a high school yearbook:

ORD loh

Comfort in Certainty

There is a certain kind of relief, perverse as it may seem, when you see that a tower that has been on the verge of collapse for so long finally starts crumbling down. No more gasping at every little sway of the building to the left or right; no more having your hopes picked up from the ground and then thrown back down again; no more wondering whether the tower had miraculously stabilised itself while you weren't looking the past month and a half. There is a certain comfort in certainty, even if it is a certainty of destruction.

When it all began, I told myself not to take sides and just let the storm ride itself out, but all the things I've seen and heard are just too overwhelming to ignore. And yet, in the end I still find my feet planted firmly in neutral ground.

In other, less depressing news, a friend has suggested that we start a joint HubPage to earn some money on the side. While I'm not very confident in drawing in readers (Exhibit A: this blog), it still seems like something that would be fun to do. After all, what have I got to lose?

One thing at a time

Applying to US universities on your own, without the guidance of teachers or a school, is confusing, exasperating work. I have no idea where to begin. Sometimes I feel like just forgetting about this whole thing, but then again I can't let this chance just slip away, can I?

Gloominess aside, I am officially hooked onto this song used in a recent Homestuck update:



This song is just the perfect combination of smooth, lively and video game retro, but what can I say? My patron troll is awesome.

::::)

Freedom? Maybe later.

Yes, I'm back, and yes, I've been back for 3 days already, so don't bug me about not posting immediately because I KNOW already.

But delusions of actual readership aside, my return from Wallaby pretty much starts the countdown to my ORD. From here on out, I technically have enough off and leave to never set foot in camp until that fateful day, though I'll probably still go back once or twice for the sake of properly handing/taking over my duties. To think, in about a month and a half's time my routine as I have known it for one and a half years will come to an abrupt end. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with all that spare time.

Is it weird that I actually feel hesitant about my ORD? Or maybe more specifically, what I should do before and after the fateful day. Studying for SAT II is only half done; uni applications are also only halfway through; haven't even started on uni essays yet. Am I really ready to venture out on my own? Again: yes, I know it's my fault for not managing my time properly and whatnot; I'm not pushing blame or pointing fingers here, i'm just venting. Why can't you just let a guy vent?

On a less depressing side note, during Wallaby I started reading a webcomic called Homestuck. Well, "webcomic" is being used loosely here because a significant part of the Homestuck experience also consists of gifs, flash animations and even interactive minigames which all serve to present a deliciously complicated storyline filled with alternate dimensions, time travel and aliens just to name a few, as well as hilariously ridiculous running gags and jokes. It is a complexly woven epic which is also not afraid to take itself lightly and thus saves itself from being heavy-handed.

Look at that stunning character art. Isn't that reason enough to start reading Homestuck?

But seriously, irony aside, go read it. It's long and it's confusing, but if you have the patience to follow through with the introductions then you will enjoy it, I guarantee you.

PS: I'm still not yet current with Homestuck so NO SPOILERS!!!