I think 1-2 posts a week should be the best I can do given how hectic life will become in the coming months. oh well, hopefully I can keep this place alive a bit longer.
thursday was finally the start of Genesis! things were moving really slowly though. the first day was dominated by admin talks (i clearly recall a similar occurence during e(nj)oy last year) and we barely had time to even talk with our og. yesterday was somewhat better though, and after the final few admin talks it was finally time for orientation to start proper.
thursday was also my first H3 tutorial. the teacher seems to be really great, like one of those friendly yet amazingly smart teachers that seem to exist only in inpirational teen movies. the atmosphere was slightly dampened though by the overwhelming amount of mugger spirit exhibited by some of my new classmates... come on guys, even the teacher wants to keep the lesson lively and interesting, so why cant we go along with it? it will make H3 a lot more enjoyable for everyone.
first impressions of OG10: well, as can be expected they were mostly quite shy initially, but luckily most of them started to open up to us and each other by the second day. there was the first mass dance session. what can you expect from a bunch of people who are too shy even to sit next to the opposite sex? OG10's 5 star couples (because OG10 only has 5 guys -.-) were practically frozen to the spot. the girl-girl pairs were faring slightly better, but in general most of them simply didnt dare to do the dance. the same thing happened to me during my orientation i guess, but they should realise that they will look good as long as they do the dance properly and dont hold back for fear of looking weird (i vaguely remember zhihao telling me the same thing last year...). and the same goes for us ogls for our walk-in! come on guys, let's give our orientees a great show to start off the year.
and of course, there was the teaching of the college songs and cheers. they really seemed to be genuinely high, much more than what my batch could muster last year. we even managed to have five clusters of "yah" cheers going on simultaneously - im pretty sure that's some kind of record. maybe this year's batch will be the key to overturning NJC's "mugger" stereotype?
after friday's orientation activities there was a short walk-in practice session for the ogls, then i cabbed to nyp with nigel and marcus for hockey training. i realised that some of my basic skills which should have been ironed out a long time ago are still underdeveloped, which just goes to show how much more effort i mus squeeze into this in time for A divs. still, we finally started scoring goals against them as a team, and even though it's quite obvious that they were barely trying it's still a slight motivation for me when i think back to last year when we frequently walked away from nyp matches without a single goal.
and jerrell pulled out of appealing for two H3s, which means im the only guy in NJC crazy enough to even harbour the thought of taking two H3s. previously i always thought that i would have someone to die with me, but now it seems that im on my own. can i pull this off?
wow, i just realised this post is full of nostalgia for e(nj)oy. i guess it's nice to relive snatches of last year now that the A levels loom ahead this year.
random thought: 28th January, the first day of Genesis, was also the one-month death anniversary of The Rev. looking forward to A7X's next album to hear some of his last works, and hoping that they manage to find someone good enoug to play his songs for him.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
When worlds collide
Everything's happening so fast, it seems that life is melting together into one continuous stream of events. i can rarely recall the chronological order of things in my life anymore, and most of the time i only have a faint idea of whether something happened this week or last week. please try to understand if you notice and anachronism in my posts, cos im only trying to get the general idea through.
firstly is something that happened last week (cant rmb if it was thursday or friday :/ ): the teacher in charge of the sapphire scholars programme approached me to ask if i would like to join. i jumped at the chance, cos honestly i had the dumbest of reasons not to apply for it last year: one of the criteria for application was a napfa silver, and i failed my napfa last year (23-point fail ftw). when i told the teacher this she seemed kind of shocked, like she didnt even know that such a criterion even existed. in hindsight i gues it was pretty stupid, but at that time i was still emoing about being the most unfit guy in NJ hockey. well, im still the most unfit guy today, but at least that's cos the entire team has been improving together :)
monday was my second NTU H3 lecture. all the things i said before, about how seemed to teach more biology and chemistry than physics, i take it all back. the learning curve is absurdly steep, but i guess that's what H3 is all about. it seemed quite clear from this second lecture that im gonna have to revise through my integration and differentiation, and pay extra attention during vectors lectures.
lessons, training, talking cock, the usual happenings... and something else that didnt happen as frequently last year, the clashing of schedules. homework + H3 + OGL + hockey = a serious lack of time. oh well, a compromise here, a sacrifice there, i believe i'll make it in the end.
and that group, that club... well, if you have me added on facebook then chances are you know what im talking about, and if you dont then dont expect me to elaborate too much about it in a public place like a blog cos im caught in quite an awkward situation myself. anyway, you guys can do anything you want, cos seriously im just interested to see how things will develop :) but that display pic is... *facepalm*
O2 is only 2 days away! totally psyched about it. to heck with all the lectures and tutorials im gonna miss, cos orientation will make it all worthwhile.
firstly is something that happened last week (cant rmb if it was thursday or friday :/ ): the teacher in charge of the sapphire scholars programme approached me to ask if i would like to join. i jumped at the chance, cos honestly i had the dumbest of reasons not to apply for it last year: one of the criteria for application was a napfa silver, and i failed my napfa last year (23-point fail ftw). when i told the teacher this she seemed kind of shocked, like she didnt even know that such a criterion even existed. in hindsight i gues it was pretty stupid, but at that time i was still emoing about being the most unfit guy in NJ hockey. well, im still the most unfit guy today, but at least that's cos the entire team has been improving together :)
monday was my second NTU H3 lecture. all the things i said before, about how seemed to teach more biology and chemistry than physics, i take it all back. the learning curve is absurdly steep, but i guess that's what H3 is all about. it seemed quite clear from this second lecture that im gonna have to revise through my integration and differentiation, and pay extra attention during vectors lectures.
lessons, training, talking cock, the usual happenings... and something else that didnt happen as frequently last year, the clashing of schedules. homework + H3 + OGL + hockey = a serious lack of time. oh well, a compromise here, a sacrifice there, i believe i'll make it in the end.
and that group, that club... well, if you have me added on facebook then chances are you know what im talking about, and if you dont then dont expect me to elaborate too much about it in a public place like a blog cos im caught in quite an awkward situation myself. anyway, you guys can do anything you want, cos seriously im just interested to see how things will develop :) but that display pic is... *facepalm*
O2 is only 2 days away! totally psyched about it. to heck with all the lectures and tutorials im gonna miss, cos orientation will make it all worthwhile.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Life as it is lived
Starting to feel the full effects of school on my free time, or whatever's left of it. i can barely find the time to settle down and type out a coherent sentence to post here.
on wednesday, a few hockey old boys came down to help us with training. it turns out that 2 of them will actually be working in NJC as teachers (im not sure if they will be permanent or not), so we'll be seeing a lot more of them. after training, they confirmed what our newly-graduated seniors from last year have been trying to convince us for so long: that we are one of the luckiest batches that NJ hockey ever had. i know it was meant to be a prep talk to boost our confidence, but in the back of my mind i was wondering if this meant that there are greater expectations of us. people keep on telling us that we are alright, but i think what the team really needs is an opportunity to prove it for themselves.
on thursday, i stayed back after school for walk-in practice as well as making souvenirs for cca open day. the souvenirs are little clay hockey stick and hockey ball keychains or something, and since we were all failures in art and craft you can pretty much guess how it went. haha, maybe we can drag people to training when they return to ask for a refund on their souvenir. i left the arts and crafts session early to go for walk-in practice. they changed the song slightly, but besides that it was mostly just recapping the steps again. i also found out that certain people (looks at lionel, sean, kaywei, yiyin etc) have been trying to "matchmake" me with someone else -.- lol, damn stupid. well, as long as everyone is aware that it's just a joke then im quite fine with it. im just really curious as to when this whole thing started out, and how i remained oblivious to it until now.
friday was walk-in practice again, and again the song was changed. i think that ignis seriously takes "last minute" to a whole new level, cos we only have about a week left and we're still adding changes to the dance here and there, when this should be the time to polish up the dance. and the dancers are also a bit unrealistic sometimes, expecting us to pull out stunts and tricks out of nowhere. quote of the day: "sucking up doesn't create miracles." XD
for some reason, brenda and lishang suddenly love science competitions a lot and they... want to share the joy with me? well actually they joined a few competitions and for some reason want me on their team. so now, it seems that im joining some NTU material science competition (what's material science anyway?) and SPARKS (again... last year's SPARKS was kind of a waste of time -.-). oh well, nvm lah, try try a bit. after all, after this year i'll be sent packing to NS, so might as well try a few things before i go.
on wednesday, a few hockey old boys came down to help us with training. it turns out that 2 of them will actually be working in NJC as teachers (im not sure if they will be permanent or not), so we'll be seeing a lot more of them. after training, they confirmed what our newly-graduated seniors from last year have been trying to convince us for so long: that we are one of the luckiest batches that NJ hockey ever had. i know it was meant to be a prep talk to boost our confidence, but in the back of my mind i was wondering if this meant that there are greater expectations of us. people keep on telling us that we are alright, but i think what the team really needs is an opportunity to prove it for themselves.
on thursday, i stayed back after school for walk-in practice as well as making souvenirs for cca open day. the souvenirs are little clay hockey stick and hockey ball keychains or something, and since we were all failures in art and craft you can pretty much guess how it went. haha, maybe we can drag people to training when they return to ask for a refund on their souvenir. i left the arts and crafts session early to go for walk-in practice. they changed the song slightly, but besides that it was mostly just recapping the steps again. i also found out that certain people (looks at lionel, sean, kaywei, yiyin etc) have been trying to "matchmake" me with someone else -.- lol, damn stupid. well, as long as everyone is aware that it's just a joke then im quite fine with it. im just really curious as to when this whole thing started out, and how i remained oblivious to it until now.
friday was walk-in practice again, and again the song was changed. i think that ignis seriously takes "last minute" to a whole new level, cos we only have about a week left and we're still adding changes to the dance here and there, when this should be the time to polish up the dance. and the dancers are also a bit unrealistic sometimes, expecting us to pull out stunts and tricks out of nowhere. quote of the day: "sucking up doesn't create miracles." XD
for some reason, brenda and lishang suddenly love science competitions a lot and they... want to share the joy with me? well actually they joined a few competitions and for some reason want me on their team. so now, it seems that im joining some NTU material science competition (what's material science anyway?) and SPARKS (again... last year's SPARKS was kind of a waste of time -.-). oh well, nvm lah, try try a bit. after all, after this year i'll be sent packing to NS, so might as well try a few things before i go.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
There is no dignity in Orientation
Just as i've hoped, everything seems to be settling into an equilibrium, albeit a rather unstable one. turns out that thursday H3 tutorials are only every other week, so there's less strain on my schedule. i've finally managed to get within a reasonable distance of catching up with my homework (though i dare not guess if i shall ever actually do so). i dont dare to say that i'll be able to cope in future, but at least for now im still afloat.
had my first NTU H3 lesson on monday, and i have to say it's far from what i expected. the first module is on biophysics, and we spent the first 20min or so looking at pictures of cells and dna, which i obviously couldnt appreciate at all. when the lecturer showed us a nobel prize-winning molecule, all i could picture was a ball of tangled string. also, it turns out that biophysics involves a great deal of chemistry as well (biology + physics = chemistry?), so pretty much the rest of the lecture was spent talking about chemical bonding. that's the exact same chemical bonding that we learned last year, except that the H3 lecturer did not go as in-depth as the NJC lecturer cos he doesnt assume as high a chemistry standard as the teachers back in NJC. so in the end, actual physics education was at a minimum. when i went back to NJC for training i asked shikai what the MOE H3 has been teaching, and apparently they have started on Lorentz transformation, aka that physical quantities such as length and volume can be distorted in near-lightspeed situations. honestly i dont know too much about relativity so i cant comment much here, but it seems that MOE H3 definitely seems to be more "othordox" and in line with traditional physics lessons, which i guess could turn out to be a good or bad thing. desptie all that, i still believe i made the right choice, and im sure that in time this fact will prove itself.
the ignis dance people (by that i mean the ones who actually have a dance cca, not the ones doing the walk-in dance) seem to think that the JH ogls from O1 dance better than the SH ogls of O2. it's quite improbable that out of random occurence the JH dance skill level just happens to be noticeably higher than that of the SH, so lionel and i have put forth another reason why there happens to be this trend. the JH ogls were in the "ignorance" stage, where they dont know how funny they look faliling their limbs all over the place. then there is the second stage, "realisation", where it finally hits them that they look like idiots and hesitate before doing anything, thus resulting in a very crappy-looking dance. i'd guess that most of the SH ogls are here. then finally there is "resignation", which is where people like lionel are. in this stage, you cease to care about your personal image and just do whatever the heck the dance requires you to do. thus, i conclude that there is only one golden rule to remember to have a good walk-in dance, or just simply to become a good ogl:
had my first NTU H3 lesson on monday, and i have to say it's far from what i expected. the first module is on biophysics, and we spent the first 20min or so looking at pictures of cells and dna, which i obviously couldnt appreciate at all. when the lecturer showed us a nobel prize-winning molecule, all i could picture was a ball of tangled string. also, it turns out that biophysics involves a great deal of chemistry as well (biology + physics = chemistry?), so pretty much the rest of the lecture was spent talking about chemical bonding. that's the exact same chemical bonding that we learned last year, except that the H3 lecturer did not go as in-depth as the NJC lecturer cos he doesnt assume as high a chemistry standard as the teachers back in NJC. so in the end, actual physics education was at a minimum. when i went back to NJC for training i asked shikai what the MOE H3 has been teaching, and apparently they have started on Lorentz transformation, aka that physical quantities such as length and volume can be distorted in near-lightspeed situations. honestly i dont know too much about relativity so i cant comment much here, but it seems that MOE H3 definitely seems to be more "othordox" and in line with traditional physics lessons, which i guess could turn out to be a good or bad thing. desptie all that, i still believe i made the right choice, and im sure that in time this fact will prove itself.
the ignis dance people (by that i mean the ones who actually have a dance cca, not the ones doing the walk-in dance) seem to think that the JH ogls from O1 dance better than the SH ogls of O2. it's quite improbable that out of random occurence the JH dance skill level just happens to be noticeably higher than that of the SH, so lionel and i have put forth another reason why there happens to be this trend. the JH ogls were in the "ignorance" stage, where they dont know how funny they look faliling their limbs all over the place. then there is the second stage, "realisation", where it finally hits them that they look like idiots and hesitate before doing anything, thus resulting in a very crappy-looking dance. i'd guess that most of the SH ogls are here. then finally there is "resignation", which is where people like lionel are. in this stage, you cease to care about your personal image and just do whatever the heck the dance requires you to do. thus, i conclude that there is only one golden rule to remember to have a good walk-in dance, or just simply to become a good ogl:
THERE IS NO DIGNITY IN ORIENTATION
i think it's quite comprehensive :)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Burn bright like a star; burn out like a comet
I've decided to go for two H3s; after all, no matter what it's still a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, isn't it? have to write out an appeal letter over the weekend, then cross my fingers. even after all that, the final decision still rests with MOE, so there are no guarantees and all this might just happen to be much ado about nothing. only time will tell i guess.
today was the O1 walk-in; finally it was time to put all that practice into action. and it was a great success! and it isnt just ignis that im talking about, but all the houses too. great job guys :) props to all the ignis dancers, to the ignis councillors and lionel especially for all the coordination and admin work, and of course to the group of dancers who were teaching us the dance: yicen, yiyin, kaywei and tricia, for not giving up on us bunch of noobs XD
feeling all hyped up over O2 now. cant wait for it to come so that i can finally see what it's like to become an actual ogl. station games, external hunt, war games (cos what's an orientation without getting soaked to the bone?), and of course the second walk-in. already feeling ready to raise the bar set in O1, but i'll probably have to manage my time a lot better from now on cos my H3 will be starting next week. hopefully things will just sort of settle into their own little equilibrium in time
oh, and today i discovered that fedora hats are magical. first and foremost, they look awesome; there's no room for debate there. and also, they're magical because for some reason, the moment you put one on everyone wants to become your best friend. until you finally lend it to one of them, and then everyone flocks to the new person wearing the fedora. yes, they must have mystical friend-making powers that science has yet to unravel and explain.
today was the O1 walk-in; finally it was time to put all that practice into action. and it was a great success! and it isnt just ignis that im talking about, but all the houses too. great job guys :) props to all the ignis dancers, to the ignis councillors and lionel especially for all the coordination and admin work, and of course to the group of dancers who were teaching us the dance: yicen, yiyin, kaywei and tricia, for not giving up on us bunch of noobs XD
feeling all hyped up over O2 now. cant wait for it to come so that i can finally see what it's like to become an actual ogl. station games, external hunt, war games (cos what's an orientation without getting soaked to the bone?), and of course the second walk-in. already feeling ready to raise the bar set in O1, but i'll probably have to manage my time a lot better from now on cos my H3 will be starting next week. hopefully things will just sort of settle into their own little equilibrium in time
oh, and today i discovered that fedora hats are magical. first and foremost, they look awesome; there's no room for debate there. and also, they're magical because for some reason, the moment you put one on everyone wants to become your best friend. until you finally lend it to one of them, and then everyone flocks to the new person wearing the fedora. yes, they must have mystical friend-making powers that science has yet to unravel and explain.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I wish the detour was closed
I apologise for my previous post. after thinking about that panic-fuelled rant, i decided to calm down and look around me. i went to the H3 briefing today and saw many faces i didnt expect. i saw people just like me, with sports CCAs and A divs this year. i even saw councillors, who have decided to put in the effort despite all the work that they have to do. in the big scheme of things, i am just another person. my personal schedule problems are no more severe or noteworthy than anyone else's, and in fact some of the H3 applicants seem to face time management problems that dwarf mine in comparison. i have no right to complain about anything.
so up till then, my mind was pretty settled and i even felt content with my schedule of programmes. then, fate brought me to yet another set of crossroads, and this time it will be even harder for me to choose. after the briefing, mr tek got me and another person (whom i dont know) to stay behind. apparently, the two of us have been specifically chosen out of the entire cohort because NJC believes that "your potential is still not fully stretched" and wants to appeal to the MOE for us to be able to take two H3 subjects. we have until this friday to decide.
on the one hand, i recognise how extremely blessed i am to have this opportunity in the first place. how many people can say that they take not one, but two H3 subjects? this is quite literally a once-in-a-million-lifetimes chance. if i do decide to take this chance, and the appeal does go through, and i manage to pull everything off nicely, then i stand a very real chance of getting into university on scholarship.
and yet on the other hand, there is quite a real risk of all this affecting my normal H2 subjects. if i take two H3 subjects and it turns out that i cant even keep my H2s afloat, then everything would have gone to waste when i get back my A level cert. also not to mention how i will have to give up painfully huge chunks of my leisure time. but one of my biggest worries is hockey - having one H3 will already affect how much effort i can spend on hockey; having two is a guarantee that i will have to make some sacrifices.
i hate having to make this choice; really i do. i wish that i didnt have to worry about any of this, that all i had to do was focus on integrating my one H3 subject into my life and not having to think about adding another one. i may sound like one of those insensitive arrogant idiots who say things like "i have way too much money on my hands", but really i wish i was limited to only one and didnt have to choose.
current status: undecided. deadline: friday.
so up till then, my mind was pretty settled and i even felt content with my schedule of programmes. then, fate brought me to yet another set of crossroads, and this time it will be even harder for me to choose. after the briefing, mr tek got me and another person (whom i dont know) to stay behind. apparently, the two of us have been specifically chosen out of the entire cohort because NJC believes that "your potential is still not fully stretched" and wants to appeal to the MOE for us to be able to take two H3 subjects. we have until this friday to decide.
on the one hand, i recognise how extremely blessed i am to have this opportunity in the first place. how many people can say that they take not one, but two H3 subjects? this is quite literally a once-in-a-million-lifetimes chance. if i do decide to take this chance, and the appeal does go through, and i manage to pull everything off nicely, then i stand a very real chance of getting into university on scholarship.
and yet on the other hand, there is quite a real risk of all this affecting my normal H2 subjects. if i take two H3 subjects and it turns out that i cant even keep my H2s afloat, then everything would have gone to waste when i get back my A level cert. also not to mention how i will have to give up painfully huge chunks of my leisure time. but one of my biggest worries is hockey - having one H3 will already affect how much effort i can spend on hockey; having two is a guarantee that i will have to make some sacrifices.
i hate having to make this choice; really i do. i wish that i didnt have to worry about any of this, that all i had to do was focus on integrating my one H3 subject into my life and not having to think about adding another one. i may sound like one of those insensitive arrogant idiots who say things like "i have way too much money on my hands", but really i wish i was limited to only one and didnt have to choose.
current status: undecided. deadline: friday.
Stranded in a desert, but the sands of time elude me
I have overloaded myself this year; i've never been so sure of it as right now. in the past, when i used to say "oh crap that's too much for me to handle", in my mind a voice would go "come on, it's ok, gonna pull through somehow". now, that voice has been muted and all i hear is a much louder voice saying "TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH". out of 5 school days a week, i only have one day with no after-school activities. even saturday mornings have been taken up by pitch trainings. whatever laid-back optimism i used to have about just about anything else has now left me; now i only see all the different ways in which i could possibly fail. i doubt i will have the energy to properly do homework after coming back from training, and going for H3 will almost certainly bring more homework and research to the table. for the first time in my life, i feel despair about my academic future. A levels; A divs; H3; OGL... what the hell was i thinking? i cant handle all this at once; im going to fail miserably for each and every one of them. from now till then end of term 2, my life has become a ticking time bomb, and it's just a matter of whether i can avoid the hairpin trigger until after i finish up with A divs and H3 and focus completely on A levels.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Charting a map of waters ahead
Can't believe i'm updating the blog when i should be catching up on holiday homework. oh well, when you have no mood then it's pointless to force it. first day of school was quite eventful, met nearly all my new teachers. physics teacher is still the same as last year, mr lim, which i guess means another year of enduring him talking about us being a "stream" class and whatnot, and using that as an excuse to throw out-of-syllabus stuff at us. oh well, it gets irritating but he's still a very good teacher overall.
chemistry teacher is mr low, and my first impression suggests that he should be quite a good teacher. still not sure if this will make up for the fact that ms darshini is on maternity leave, she was a great teacher :(
econs teacher is mrs hue, i think i vaguely remember mr hussain telling us last year that she's a good teacher, and she seems quite good from first impressions, though i suppose this means i'll actually have to start doing econs homework and not just procrastinating until it's forgotten like what i did last year.
maths teacher is mr chew, who has a really unique teaching style, to say the least... he talks to us under the (almost certainly incorrect) presumption that the topic is way too easy for us and we're all just waiting for him to skip all the easy questions and go straight to the one or two more challenging problems. if he asks who doesnt know how to do a question and only one person raises his/her hand, he will literally grab a chair, sit next to him/her and go through the question for the next 5min or so, leaving the rest of the class to sit and stone around. i guess that's good in its own way, but it will definitely take some getting used to.
gp lesson today was an absolutely bizzare experience for me today. half the time i was busy picking my jaw off the floor from all the WTH moments going on. my gp teacher, ms chua (HOD of english), speaks and acts like a real-life willy wonka from the chocolate factory. the first question she posed us was "what do you think of the colour of this wall?" and the weirdness was only just beginning. i have a feeling that gone are the days of stoning during gp with ms wan; things are gonna be far more interesting this year, for better or worse.
after school went to the library with nigel and panyu to try and do homework, though i got barely anything done before i had to go off for O1 walk-in practice. yicen added another dance, and the most retarded by far. have any of you heard of a song called Ring Ding Dong? cos seriously from wat i know, only three people (yicen, zhaoming and valerie) have even heard of it, and the dance is so idiotic that even with all the thick skin i managed to summon to become an ogl i still cant bear to be seen dancing it in public. i mean, it's a song about a telephone ringing, but telephones dont even go ring ding dong, they go ring ring, idiot k-pop boybands. and the dance consists, in part, of walking around like a poser, pelvic thrusts MJ-style, and neck spasms at the chorus (ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding... they should totally get some award for creativity of lyrics, shouldnt they? -.-)
chinese and pe tmr, which will mean that i'll have officially met all my teachers. have yet to have a proper lesson with my CT, ms kaur... i understand she's quite "well-known" in her own right, and i have been the target of her fury once before (and that was just for "obstructing the pathway" by standing in front of the staff room... imagine if she was angry over and actual issue), so that's something im not really looking forward to :X
looking to the left, then looking to the right... is there a problem, or am i just imagining things? im not the only one seeing these images; what if they turn out to be more than just illusions? im not in a position to probe, but this private issue could culminate in a very public outburst, possibly leaving a crater too wide for anyone to cross...
chemistry teacher is mr low, and my first impression suggests that he should be quite a good teacher. still not sure if this will make up for the fact that ms darshini is on maternity leave, she was a great teacher :(
econs teacher is mrs hue, i think i vaguely remember mr hussain telling us last year that she's a good teacher, and she seems quite good from first impressions, though i suppose this means i'll actually have to start doing econs homework and not just procrastinating until it's forgotten like what i did last year.
maths teacher is mr chew, who has a really unique teaching style, to say the least... he talks to us under the (almost certainly incorrect) presumption that the topic is way too easy for us and we're all just waiting for him to skip all the easy questions and go straight to the one or two more challenging problems. if he asks who doesnt know how to do a question and only one person raises his/her hand, he will literally grab a chair, sit next to him/her and go through the question for the next 5min or so, leaving the rest of the class to sit and stone around. i guess that's good in its own way, but it will definitely take some getting used to.
gp lesson today was an absolutely bizzare experience for me today. half the time i was busy picking my jaw off the floor from all the WTH moments going on. my gp teacher, ms chua (HOD of english), speaks and acts like a real-life willy wonka from the chocolate factory. the first question she posed us was "what do you think of the colour of this wall?" and the weirdness was only just beginning. i have a feeling that gone are the days of stoning during gp with ms wan; things are gonna be far more interesting this year, for better or worse.
after school went to the library with nigel and panyu to try and do homework, though i got barely anything done before i had to go off for O1 walk-in practice. yicen added another dance, and the most retarded by far. have any of you heard of a song called Ring Ding Dong? cos seriously from wat i know, only three people (yicen, zhaoming and valerie) have even heard of it, and the dance is so idiotic that even with all the thick skin i managed to summon to become an ogl i still cant bear to be seen dancing it in public. i mean, it's a song about a telephone ringing, but telephones dont even go ring ding dong, they go ring ring, idiot k-pop boybands. and the dance consists, in part, of walking around like a poser, pelvic thrusts MJ-style, and neck spasms at the chorus (ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding... they should totally get some award for creativity of lyrics, shouldnt they? -.-)
chinese and pe tmr, which will mean that i'll have officially met all my teachers. have yet to have a proper lesson with my CT, ms kaur... i understand she's quite "well-known" in her own right, and i have been the target of her fury once before (and that was just for "obstructing the pathway" by standing in front of the staff room... imagine if she was angry over and actual issue), so that's something im not really looking forward to :X
looking to the left, then looking to the right... is there a problem, or am i just imagining things? im not the only one seeing these images; what if they turn out to be more than just illusions? im not in a position to probe, but this private issue could culminate in a very public outburst, possibly leaving a crater too wide for anyone to cross...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
We've passed the crossroads; now to walk this path to the end
That woman from a few weeks ago who was trying to convert me to christianity, she came back again yesterday and gave me a little pamphlet. no harm in reading it, i thought, so i accepted it. the cover page raised questions such as "why is there war or suffering", "how can i find happiness" etc etc. once i opened it up, all i saw were basically quotations from the bible, followed by "therefore the bible has answered the question". isn't it self-evident that such circular logic is completely unreliable? there is a god because the bible says so; the bible is accurate because a god wrote it is simply not an argument to begin with. im not saying that there isnt any evidence for the existence of a god, and in fact there are quite a few arguments which i find quite persuasive (like how a being capable of reasoning cannot be purely physical unless it was designed by another being capable of at least the same level of reasoning), but no, she decided to get me to believe a source which she has yet to prove to be true. dont they see that this is the exact reason why the invisible pink unicorn and the church of google were created by atheists to mock them?
also, according to the same pamphlet, the woman is a jehovah's witness, which is actually a religion which is not allowed in singapore because they are not allowed to participate in anything involved with the military, including NS. which also means that i will probably get even more visits from her cos i'll have to refuse to anything she says in accordance to the law. zzz irritating...
school starts again tomorrow. final count of homework is about 50-60% done i think. well at least i can say that i finished my homework rounded up, eh? not looking forward to the imminent tongue-lashing from all my new teachers, waking up at 6am and going home at 6pm, new topics being taught, and of course A levels and splitting up with all my classmates and friends afterwards. still, in spite of all that, i still look forward to the little things in life: things like talking cock in the canteen during breaks, the ultimately unproductive mugging sessions that end with everyone eating and chatting, and the everyday jokes from friends and classmates that make you go LOL and WTF at the same time. if 2009 has taught me anything, it's that life is never bad; it only ever becomes good in ways more subtle than before.
i just checked KM and it turned out there was some info posted about H3 a few days ago (damn, have to make it a habit to check KM more often, cos the cat high student portal was near-useless). the lesson schedule has been confirmed, and it will be after school every monday and thursday. i was hoping for tuesdays and thursdays so that it will not affect hockey training, but at least it's only until 5.30pm so i guess i can rush back in time for stickwork (after all, it's only crossing the overhead bridge. i've never been so glad that hwachong is just across the road). feeling quite daunted now that the schedule has been presented to me and i finally see how much commitment this is going to take. hope im not spreading myself too thin over too many things and end up screwing up all over :X
here's an A7X song called Crossroads. it's about a person who tries to decide between christianity and atheism, and ends up choosing neither. quite a nice song :) i really like how the lyrics acknowledge that even though atheists often criticise the church of using fear and force to convert people, many atheists themselves are also guilty of mocking christians over their faith (The left (refers to atheism in the song) isn't better it's just more of the same; Condemning all these people for what they believe). i just thought that it would be a fitting song for this post.
also, according to the same pamphlet, the woman is a jehovah's witness, which is actually a religion which is not allowed in singapore because they are not allowed to participate in anything involved with the military, including NS. which also means that i will probably get even more visits from her cos i'll have to refuse to anything she says in accordance to the law. zzz irritating...
school starts again tomorrow. final count of homework is about 50-60% done i think. well at least i can say that i finished my homework rounded up, eh? not looking forward to the imminent tongue-lashing from all my new teachers, waking up at 6am and going home at 6pm, new topics being taught, and of course A levels and splitting up with all my classmates and friends afterwards. still, in spite of all that, i still look forward to the little things in life: things like talking cock in the canteen during breaks, the ultimately unproductive mugging sessions that end with everyone eating and chatting, and the everyday jokes from friends and classmates that make you go LOL and WTF at the same time. if 2009 has taught me anything, it's that life is never bad; it only ever becomes good in ways more subtle than before.
i just checked KM and it turned out there was some info posted about H3 a few days ago (damn, have to make it a habit to check KM more often, cos the cat high student portal was near-useless). the lesson schedule has been confirmed, and it will be after school every monday and thursday. i was hoping for tuesdays and thursdays so that it will not affect hockey training, but at least it's only until 5.30pm so i guess i can rush back in time for stickwork (after all, it's only crossing the overhead bridge. i've never been so glad that hwachong is just across the road). feeling quite daunted now that the schedule has been presented to me and i finally see how much commitment this is going to take. hope im not spreading myself too thin over too many things and end up screwing up all over :X
here's an A7X song called Crossroads. it's about a person who tries to decide between christianity and atheism, and ends up choosing neither. quite a nice song :) i really like how the lyrics acknowledge that even though atheists often criticise the church of using fear and force to convert people, many atheists themselves are also guilty of mocking christians over their faith (The left (refers to atheism in the song) isn't better it's just more of the same; Condemning all these people for what they believe). i just thought that it would be a fitting song for this post.
Friday, January 8, 2010
That light at the end of the tunnel; is it a guiding torch or a blazing inferno?
Day 2 of ogl camp. the first thing was a briefing of the external hunt. it seems the tanjong beach stations have been shifted to palawan beach because they realised that it was simply too far to walk to and from (luckily...). afterwards we played the station games for the external hunt. special mention goes to the protect-the-egg game, where guy-girl pairs must transport a small ball from one bucket to another without using their arms. jacob developed a strategy which nobody anticipated, not even the councillors who organised the game: he carried one of the smaller-sized girls and used her as a "tray" to carry the balls across. the look on everyone's faces was priceless. when the games were over, we learned the rest of Shut Up And Drive, which i feel is much more fun than Let's Get Excited, the O1 dance. favourite part is the guys' solo during the bridge :)
and then it was the full-dress walk-in rehearsal, which i feel was the highlight of the day. ignis still didnt have a confirmed dress code, so we were very plainly dressed compared to the other houses. at least we had company in aqua XD personally i think ignis did quite well, but a bit of regret when i screwed up my shoulder freeze (lost balance 4 counts too early, dammit) and i got a little stunned when we jumped and i could feel the platform wobbling and shifting. and we also need to work on the transition between guys' and girls' dances cos most of the time we're just standing around waiting for the other party to finish their dance. maybe this problem will be alleviated somewhat on the actual day with the spotlights.
the other houses were great too. i think everyone did very well for the rehearsal (great job guys!), but personally i have to say that what really made me speechless with awe was the intro for the aerius dance. it starts off with the dancers walking to their positions around the central raised platform while wearing hoodies gangster-style, then guanhao runs up to the platform and summons them to life like a puppeteer. guanhao was nitpicking that some of the movements were off-timing, but i have to say that the concept is solid and definitely has that "wow" factor. for the terra dance, i think hsiangwei really stole the limelight from everyone else. the intro, where he walks onto the platform like a zombie, already impressed me, and his contemporary dance duet with yiying was just crazy. with hard acts like those to follow, i really feel dwarfed in the face of the other houses.
and at the end of the day there was... the orientation goodie bag! because we all became ogls just for the goodie bag, right?
right?
well, i think the goodie bag is great. for just $16, we got 3 t-shirts, a box file, a foolscap pad, a pen/highlighter, a notebook and a friendship band (which i just realised actually glows in the dark *gasp*).
went for dinner at the serene centre macdonald's with bryan, panyu, hongzhi and nigel (once again im the 27 reject who joins the 25 class -.-). they had to clear up a miscommunication with jaron over the phone about whether he will be boarding or not, then we talked cock the rest of the way. met a group of JH4s and councillors there as well. we stayed at the macs for a really long time, from 8.30pm to 10.30pm i think. went home after that.
school's starting again next week. i still havent decided whether or not i should even attempt trying to finish up my homework, knowing full well that it's a lost cause. a part of me is dreading the impending flood of schoolwork and A level preparations, but another part of me wants to meet up again with my friends at school. sometimes i wonder if im too weak-willed because i always end up undecided over everything. i guess i'll just leave everything to the fates and see how they want to weave my destiniy.
and then it was the full-dress walk-in rehearsal, which i feel was the highlight of the day. ignis still didnt have a confirmed dress code, so we were very plainly dressed compared to the other houses. at least we had company in aqua XD personally i think ignis did quite well, but a bit of regret when i screwed up my shoulder freeze (lost balance 4 counts too early, dammit) and i got a little stunned when we jumped and i could feel the platform wobbling and shifting. and we also need to work on the transition between guys' and girls' dances cos most of the time we're just standing around waiting for the other party to finish their dance. maybe this problem will be alleviated somewhat on the actual day with the spotlights.
the other houses were great too. i think everyone did very well for the rehearsal (great job guys!), but personally i have to say that what really made me speechless with awe was the intro for the aerius dance. it starts off with the dancers walking to their positions around the central raised platform while wearing hoodies gangster-style, then guanhao runs up to the platform and summons them to life like a puppeteer. guanhao was nitpicking that some of the movements were off-timing, but i have to say that the concept is solid and definitely has that "wow" factor. for the terra dance, i think hsiangwei really stole the limelight from everyone else. the intro, where he walks onto the platform like a zombie, already impressed me, and his contemporary dance duet with yiying was just crazy. with hard acts like those to follow, i really feel dwarfed in the face of the other houses.
and at the end of the day there was... the orientation goodie bag! because we all became ogls just for the goodie bag, right?
right?
well, i think the goodie bag is great. for just $16, we got 3 t-shirts, a box file, a foolscap pad, a pen/highlighter, a notebook and a friendship band (which i just realised actually glows in the dark *gasp*).
went for dinner at the serene centre macdonald's with bryan, panyu, hongzhi and nigel (once again im the 27 reject who joins the 25 class -.-). they had to clear up a miscommunication with jaron over the phone about whether he will be boarding or not, then we talked cock the rest of the way. met a group of JH4s and councillors there as well. we stayed at the macs for a really long time, from 8.30pm to 10.30pm i think. went home after that.
school's starting again next week. i still havent decided whether or not i should even attempt trying to finish up my homework, knowing full well that it's a lost cause. a part of me is dreading the impending flood of schoolwork and A level preparations, but another part of me wants to meet up again with my friends at school. sometimes i wonder if im too weak-willed because i always end up undecided over everything. i guess i'll just leave everything to the fates and see how they want to weave my destiniy.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's a leap of faith, but we'll see how you stick the landing
Today was the first of two days of the ogl camp. the first part was really dumb, just (re)learning the two school songs and a few old and new school cheers. jacob and kaiwei were the smart ones: they arranged to meet up for prata before coming to school at 9am. well, that was the plan anyway. jacob, living up to his reputation of tardiness, was late even for prata, and they ended up coming at 10am, right after cheers and icebreakers and just in time for station games. damn their perfect timing >.>
well, now to compare the 2009 and 2010 station games: the watermelon game remains unchanged (even the venue is the same -.-), which i feel is quite disgusting and a reason to pity the future juniors. the flour-dunking game has been toned down somewhat; instead of sticking your foot in the disgusting brown coffee-water stuff, you stick your head in (more or less) clean water. this time there is only one water game (compared to 3 in 2009 :( water games are the most fun), the invisible maze, which i feel will be quite cool and entertaining to mess with the juniors with :) orbital is still the same, but the name-the-person game has been ramped up to copy-the-pose, and it was damn epic when all the guys in my group did the baby freeze and all that the other side could do was stand and stare. maybe all that walk-in practice is finally paying off :)
after that was learning the mass dance. they finished going through the O1 dance, which i guess is quite ok but am far from memorising, and started going through a bit of the O2 dance, which is Shut Up And Drive by Rihanna. last year's dance was also a Rihanna song, Don't Stop The Music. i always thought the trend with orientation dances is to use recent songs, so i wonder why they have two songs from the same album for two consecutive years.
then it was time for more walk-in practice. a few days ago lionel convinced me to join the O1 walk-in cos ignis/ixion has a grand total of 3 guys for O1 (cue sarcastic "awesome~"), so i thought i should at least do something to make it look less pathetic. little did i expect that it would entail so much extra work. O1 walk-in is next friday, and while the O2 dancers are still in laxing mode, the O1 dancers (which now include me) are chionging to finalise the formations and timings and brushing up on the dances and songs. and it just hit me that i'll probably have to stay back after school a few times on the first week to practice, which is probably gonna affect my studies, which is the main reason why i didnt want to join O1 in the first place *facepalm* oh well, hopefully nothing important happens during the first week.
i am absolutely addicted to this song right now, Flash Of The Blade by Avenged Sevenfold. yes, i know it's a cover of an Iron Maiden song, and i also know i will incur the wrath of many Iron Maiden fans by saying that i prefer the A7X cover, but i just like how the guitar is more distorted in the A7X version and gives the song more of an edge. in any case, here it is:
well, now to compare the 2009 and 2010 station games: the watermelon game remains unchanged (even the venue is the same -.-), which i feel is quite disgusting and a reason to pity the future juniors. the flour-dunking game has been toned down somewhat; instead of sticking your foot in the disgusting brown coffee-water stuff, you stick your head in (more or less) clean water. this time there is only one water game (compared to 3 in 2009 :( water games are the most fun), the invisible maze, which i feel will be quite cool and entertaining to mess with the juniors with :) orbital is still the same, but the name-the-person game has been ramped up to copy-the-pose, and it was damn epic when all the guys in my group did the baby freeze and all that the other side could do was stand and stare. maybe all that walk-in practice is finally paying off :)
after that was learning the mass dance. they finished going through the O1 dance, which i guess is quite ok but am far from memorising, and started going through a bit of the O2 dance, which is Shut Up And Drive by Rihanna. last year's dance was also a Rihanna song, Don't Stop The Music. i always thought the trend with orientation dances is to use recent songs, so i wonder why they have two songs from the same album for two consecutive years.
then it was time for more walk-in practice. a few days ago lionel convinced me to join the O1 walk-in cos ignis/ixion has a grand total of 3 guys for O1 (cue sarcastic "awesome~"), so i thought i should at least do something to make it look less pathetic. little did i expect that it would entail so much extra work. O1 walk-in is next friday, and while the O2 dancers are still in laxing mode, the O1 dancers (which now include me) are chionging to finalise the formations and timings and brushing up on the dances and songs. and it just hit me that i'll probably have to stay back after school a few times on the first week to practice, which is probably gonna affect my studies, which is the main reason why i didnt want to join O1 in the first place *facepalm* oh well, hopefully nothing important happens during the first week.
i am absolutely addicted to this song right now, Flash Of The Blade by Avenged Sevenfold. yes, i know it's a cover of an Iron Maiden song, and i also know i will incur the wrath of many Iron Maiden fans by saying that i prefer the A7X cover, but i just like how the guitar is more distorted in the A7X version and gives the song more of an edge. in any case, here it is:
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Perhaps the window is still there, for me to escape into the air
after all that ranting about being a slacker in the last post, i decided to try moving my lazy ass and doing some homework today (erm, yesterday?). i started off with econs, but seriously it's tedious as hell. i mean, i could probably do it if i wanted to, and even if i couldnt most answers can be lifted wholesale from notes, but the damn thing is just so tedious. come on, who the hell wants to write 5 freaking lines worth of crap to get that measly 2-3 marks? it's especially frustrating when the concepts are clear in your head, but to write it out is such a chore. this is precisely why i wanted to be a science student, but even then econs is still there to haunt my school life. and sadly, chemistry has also evolved (devolved?) to become another writing-intensive subject, which leaves physics and maths as the only 2 subjects that i dont get immediately turned off by.
so quite naturally, i gave up on econs and went on to do maths P&C. i know that many people have been saying that P&C is some horribly difficult maths topic and all, but i find it surprisingly refreshing. P&C is really just a test of logic with a bit of maths added in, and i like tests of logic because it means i get to think of everything on the go and dont have to memorise anything before the exams (which means slacking ~ :D ). compared with repetitive, memory-intensive topics like differentiation and integration (in case you cant get the hint, my two most hated topics), P&C is actually one of the more likable. still, there is quite a thick line between "likable" and "manageable", and most of the time i had to refer to the answer key and correct myself numerous times. im guessing the main gripe that most people have with P&C is that it is so logic-intensive that written working is reduced to one or two lines at most, and arriving at the answer can really become a case of hit or miss if you dont know what you're doing. still, i eventually finished it, so now all i have to do is the rest of econs, physics filing and tys mcq, and the 5 maths promo papers. haiz, still a really long list... well, progress is progress, and progress will eventually lead to completion. im just hoping that "eventually" means "before 11 jan" :X
here's a song i cant get out of my head nowadays. i like the whimsical tune and fairytale-like lyrics, but unfortunately it usually causes me to daydream when i hear it while doing homework. oh well. Fireflies by Owl City:
so quite naturally, i gave up on econs and went on to do maths P&C. i know that many people have been saying that P&C is some horribly difficult maths topic and all, but i find it surprisingly refreshing. P&C is really just a test of logic with a bit of maths added in, and i like tests of logic because it means i get to think of everything on the go and dont have to memorise anything before the exams (which means slacking ~ :D ). compared with repetitive, memory-intensive topics like differentiation and integration (in case you cant get the hint, my two most hated topics), P&C is actually one of the more likable. still, there is quite a thick line between "likable" and "manageable", and most of the time i had to refer to the answer key and correct myself numerous times. im guessing the main gripe that most people have with P&C is that it is so logic-intensive that written working is reduced to one or two lines at most, and arriving at the answer can really become a case of hit or miss if you dont know what you're doing. still, i eventually finished it, so now all i have to do is the rest of econs, physics filing and tys mcq, and the 5 maths promo papers. haiz, still a really long list... well, progress is progress, and progress will eventually lead to completion. im just hoping that "eventually" means "before 11 jan" :X
here's a song i cant get out of my head nowadays. i like the whimsical tune and fairytale-like lyrics, but unfortunately it usually causes me to daydream when i hear it while doing homework. oh well. Fireflies by Owl City:
Sunday, January 3, 2010
If you reap but did not sow, then did you steal?
Time has progressed, while i have not. we've more or less crossed the grey area to be well and truly in 2010 territory, which would signal the end of holidays coming soon. already school will start for pri-sec school kids tomorrow, and it's only a miserable seven more days before it's our turn, but i feel that my mind and attitude is still in holiday mood. i have homework still undone and yet i can spend hours doing literally nothing. i think it's a problem i've been having for a very long time, cos i honestly cant remember a time after pri 2 or 3 when i actually bothered to finish all my holiday homework (that's right, it takes years of practice to become as accomplished a slacker as me). am i taking things too lightly? i see friends who are already getting worried about A levels, so should i feel worried that i dont feel anything yet? maybe i should start getting serious about my life?
for as far back as i could remember i have been slacking. i told myself to give my all for PSLE, for prelims, for O levels, and for promos, but i always end up slacking at some point of time. where's the distinction between "taking a study break" and just plain slacking? i cant seem to find it, but somehow i feel that majority of my time has been spent in the latter region. throughout my life my mom has been telling me that i was doing good but could do better (even after O levels she said i've only been putting 80% max), and now im starting to wonder if all my achievements have been unfairly earned, and if i actually deserve to be where i am today.
it turns out that unbeknownst to me, A7X released a compilation of b-sides made during recording Avenged Sevenfold called Diamonds in the Rough somewhere in 2008, including an absolutely epic alternate version of Afterlife, with strings injected not only at the intro and breakdown, but throughout the song. i think this version is even awesomer than the original (i never thought it would be possible), but sadly im guessing it would have been too difficult to recreate live onstage with all the added string components so they had to simplify it for the album version. still, nothing's stopping us from enjoying it off-stage. Afterlife (alternate), by Avenged Sevenfold:
for as far back as i could remember i have been slacking. i told myself to give my all for PSLE, for prelims, for O levels, and for promos, but i always end up slacking at some point of time. where's the distinction between "taking a study break" and just plain slacking? i cant seem to find it, but somehow i feel that majority of my time has been spent in the latter region. throughout my life my mom has been telling me that i was doing good but could do better (even after O levels she said i've only been putting 80% max), and now im starting to wonder if all my achievements have been unfairly earned, and if i actually deserve to be where i am today.
it turns out that unbeknownst to me, A7X released a compilation of b-sides made during recording Avenged Sevenfold called Diamonds in the Rough somewhere in 2008, including an absolutely epic alternate version of Afterlife, with strings injected not only at the intro and breakdown, but throughout the song. i think this version is even awesomer than the original (i never thought it would be possible), but sadly im guessing it would have been too difficult to recreate live onstage with all the added string components so they had to simplify it for the album version. still, nothing's stopping us from enjoying it off-stage. Afterlife (alternate), by Avenged Sevenfold:
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Simpler eyes see a simpler life
Today was the 4-4 gathering. as per the usual style, only 3 or 4 people arrived on time and we spent close to half an hour waiting for the rest of them to arrive. 15 of the guys made it in the end: not the entire class of course, but a respectable number nonetheless. we met at city hall mrt, then walked to marina square for lunch. at first the plan was to go to seoul gardens, but it was too packed so we wandered around and out of nowhere we decided to eat at billy bombers. the stuff there is literally worth its weight in gold (or at least it's priced that way -.-), and if not for a 1-for-1 set meal promotion i would have been able to literally hear the hole being burnt into my wallet. still, $20++ is a lot of money, even when split between 2 people :X afterwards, about half of them went to dhoby ghaut to play lan, while the rest of us stayed behind to play pool. needless to say i sucked at it. then the pool group went to a macdonald's to eat ice cream. andrew joined us, but luke had this retarded idea to "hide" in the esplanade or something, i wasnt really paying attention. so anyway we talked a while longer, then a few of us went home. i have to say that on the whole the class hasnt changed much: jie chou and jeffrey still suaning each other and sebastian, luke's sexuality still being put into question, and victor still trying to find an opportunity to kill khee ern. a pity kevin couldnt make it, cos like marcus said, "the thing that keeps the class together is kevin yeo, but now he's not here" XD all the stupid things from sec school still remain.
we're barely into 2010 and already im starting to feel nostalgic. the gathering probably affected me somewhat, but i seem to be getting more prone to bouts of nostalgia since last year (nearly typed "this year", still cant get used to the fact that it's already 2010). perhaps what i yearn for is not for simpler times gone by, but rather a simpler me. did i have so many unnecessary thoughts in sec school? was i ever so pessimistic? i cant remember a day before 2009 when i sat down, thought about life, and got up feeling a depressing mixture of epiphany and resignation. is this intellectual development? is this maturity of thought? i start to question the purpose of me striving to learn and understand the world around me when all it leads to is a more and more pronounced confirmation that i will never truly understand it, or that even with all this knowledge i will never be able to effect a change. or maybe im just being a whiny melodramatic bitch. i dont know, i really have no idea. how much better off is the man who sees the inner workings of the gun and understands exactly how the bullet is launched from the barrel into his brain, compared to the oblivious man who may not even recognise that a gun pointed to his skull means certain death? what use is it to comprehend exactly how life traps me when it traps me all the same? i am reminded of a quote from Dr Manhattan from Watchmen which is my all-time favourite comic book series, "We're all puppets; I'm a puppet who can see the strings." perhaps the greatest wisdom of all is, after understanding exactly how all the knowledge in the world is useless, living life just the same while in awe of how it works and with the appreciation borne from understanding. maybe that is the mythical feeling of enlightenment.
i suddenly feel that this A7X song really represents what's going through my mind right now. Lost, by Avenged Sevenfold.
we're barely into 2010 and already im starting to feel nostalgic. the gathering probably affected me somewhat, but i seem to be getting more prone to bouts of nostalgia since last year (nearly typed "this year", still cant get used to the fact that it's already 2010). perhaps what i yearn for is not for simpler times gone by, but rather a simpler me. did i have so many unnecessary thoughts in sec school? was i ever so pessimistic? i cant remember a day before 2009 when i sat down, thought about life, and got up feeling a depressing mixture of epiphany and resignation. is this intellectual development? is this maturity of thought? i start to question the purpose of me striving to learn and understand the world around me when all it leads to is a more and more pronounced confirmation that i will never truly understand it, or that even with all this knowledge i will never be able to effect a change. or maybe im just being a whiny melodramatic bitch. i dont know, i really have no idea. how much better off is the man who sees the inner workings of the gun and understands exactly how the bullet is launched from the barrel into his brain, compared to the oblivious man who may not even recognise that a gun pointed to his skull means certain death? what use is it to comprehend exactly how life traps me when it traps me all the same? i am reminded of a quote from Dr Manhattan from Watchmen which is my all-time favourite comic book series, "We're all puppets; I'm a puppet who can see the strings." perhaps the greatest wisdom of all is, after understanding exactly how all the knowledge in the world is useless, living life just the same while in awe of how it works and with the appreciation borne from understanding. maybe that is the mythical feeling of enlightenment.
i suddenly feel that this A7X song really represents what's going through my mind right now. Lost, by Avenged Sevenfold.
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