Life goes on

Yesterday was below average, i would say. im no longer in the habit of declaring things like "dammit life sucks" after certain events from last year, but i have to say yesterday wasnt exactly the best day of my life. i boarded the bus to school early in the morning and sat down. a few seconds later i feel water on my pants legs. initially i thought maybe the air-con was leaking, but looking down i realised that my bottle had opened itself in my bag, spilling water inside to the extent that it had started leaking through the canvas fabric and onto my pants. most of the notes and other papers in my bag got wet (though mostly only slightly, because i keep them in a separate compartment from my bottle; like i always say, there's always a bright side to everything), and to top it all off the water went into my pocket and basically fried my phone. now im using an NS-grade phone and have a phobia of carrying a water bottle to school.

tomorrow is H3 maths test number 2 :X in case you've forgotten, test 1 ended with me getting 8/52 so... hopes are not very high here. personally i would be jumping through the roof as long as i can get a double digit score. and on a related note, i failed the organic chem test, got 10/25, and mr low's not exactly jumping for joy right now. i admit that i got what i deserved this time, cos admittedly i spent a grand total of about 5min studying for this test. he didnt put me down for the remedial group because he believes that i can catch up on my own, but really im not as confident as he is.

now's about the time where just about every other sport CCA besides hockey has their A divs. a few victories here and there, and i congratulate all those involved, but on the whole the NJC sports scene is just a depressing as ever. more often than not i see my friends return licking their wounds, and it really brings me back to how i felt when we were kicked out of our A divs. the experience for small sport CCAs like those in NJC seems nearly universal: no matter how great the odds are and how unlikely it is that they will go far, they always go in brimming with hope and aspiration, and even though they may not say it, all will secretly long to touch the untouchable star, to feel the cool touch of gold on their fingertips. yet, as to be expected anywhere outside of a soap drama, these hopes will more often than not be dashed, and the feeling of failure will still crush them regardless of how expected and even inevitable their loss was. and it hurts me to admit that bitter experience has taught me that in this stage, nobody can say anything to make them feel better, and the only thing i as a friend can do is to be there for them once they recover.

two awesome songs today. this one was from Pinkly Smooth, a side band of Synyster Gates and The Rev from A7X. their style, mainly attributed to The Rev, is unlike anything i've heard before; it's nearly like "jazz metal", if there's such a thing, mixed in with a bit of metalcore. The Rev could have made this so big...



and this one is from Imogen Heap, an electronica musician. if you've heard Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo, chances are you'll recognise the catchy hook in this song. i love how there is no background accompaniment in the song, and all the attention is focused on her beautifully harmonised vocals. it just has an unexplainably captivating feel to it:

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Well, NJ Hockey has officially been handed down to the next generation. from now on, i no longer have any formal connection to it. i guess it's kind of a bittersweet feeling. on the one hand, it's simply a natural progression that all seniors have to go through which will give us more time to focus on our A levels, and quite a well-needed one too, considering how the homework has been steadily picking up its pace. but on the other hand, there's always that same feeling of sentimentality whenever you leave a place for good; whether it's ai tong, cat high, hockey, and even NJC in a few months' time. i guess it's inevitable that certain things will have to be given up for the sake of progress.

im getting that feeling again; that same futility over the fact that in a few months' time i will be seperated from all my friends in NJC. i know that people say there's facebook and msn and whatever, but i just tell them to stop kidding themselves. it wont be the same and everyone knows it. it will only be a matter of time.

yesterday's H3 physics test... well, at least the mark allocation was better this time. instead of having a 40-mark question, this time it was split up as 15-15-15-15-5-10-25. now, instead of losing marks in a few large chunks, i can lose them in many bite-sized pieces... but really it didnt make much of a difference, cos honestly this time was just as screwed up as the last time. i'd say that even aiming for anything above a bare pass would be ambitious for me now.

have you read the morning paper today? there's an article in the Straits Times today about gen y employees. apparently, the average gen y (about 20-30 years old) worker today stays in a job for about 18 months, and can shuffle through as many as 7 jobs in 5 years. it seems that the conventional ideas of job loyalty, job security and job stability dont really seem to apply anymore in the modern working world, at least according to the statistics. so am i an oddball by planning to stay in just one job? am i the only one in my age group thinking like that? call me old-fashioned, but the idea of job-hopping over and over again, having to adapt to new colleagues and environments all the time, and being periodically unemployed between jobs, is simply unthinkable for me.

i am reminded of an article i read some time last year, about how polytechnic graduates were having an easier time finding employment than their university counterparts in the financial crisis. i feel that the author really pointed out a few key points about how your work attitude can affect your employability. he said that while polytechnic graduates are willing to start off low in the hierarchy and are more likely to stay in the company, university graduates typically want to command a high salary right from the start and will barely hesitate before jumping ship to another job providing better benefits. i feel that we should all seriously question our own attitudes about a job before pointing the finger at employers or the economy when we cant find suitable employment; which employer in his right mind would want to pay more to hire a person who could very possibly leave the company at the end of the year?

Flashback

Today (well, yesterday) was Entre-day, where budding NJC entrepreuneurs got to showcase their business acumen in a day of selling their goods and services. it seems that sometime last week lionel signed me up for it, so i stayed back after school today to set up a stall selling - wait for it - slime. specifically, slime in a barrel. obivously this was lionel's idea -.- well i have to say that the slime is quite cool, but i wasnt sure if JC students would be willing to pay for something like slime, and at a near-100% profit for us at that. in the end our stall was a flop and we had to merge with the 10SH06 stall to survive. finally had a chance to catch up with grace, tingyi, huiying and valerie from Genesis days, and even ahn from that ancient boarding school feedback dinner. and then there was that JH girl from NE club who actually recognised me... now i feel kind of guilty over not being able to remember her name :X well, i guess we're supposed to meet new people from all of our CCAs right?

talking with people from orientation days again suddenly made me recall something from quite a while back, all the way back to those first few weeks after Genesis if im not mistaken. there was an og outing, with myself, lionel, aditi, wuhong, cassandra and josephine sitting in a circle outside plaza sing. i think we were discussing the orientation experience when aditi said that she didnt really miss orientation as much as us OGLs do. back when the comment was first made, i just promptly forgot about it and went on to talking cock again, but now i suddenly started thinking. did i feel the same way after e(NJ)oy? admittedly, my nostalgia period for e(NJ)oy was much shorter than for Genesis. did being an OGL have anything to do with this? going through all the effort of preparing the games and practicing the walk-in, not to mention the daunting task of banding together 20-odd people, most of whom have never even met each other before. i guess in a way it's like how getting close to the councillors changes your view of school-organised events; everything seems more precious once you fathom how much effort has been put in. at the end of the day, it all boils down to that oft-mentioned but nonetheless important virtue of gratefulness.

and i am grateful for having learned that lesson :)

Everyone has their own story

So your only commitment now is your H3?

yes, i have to say that that is very true. right now, the only time i ever stay back after school is for H3 or for studying. i dont have nationals to train for, or a performance to practice for, or even a council term to serve. in fact, i think im currently one of the most free guys around. which is all the more why i should be doing much better in my studies than i currently am. am i underperforming? am i letting myself down? am i letting the school down?

everyone has their own story; their own hopes, dreams, problems and fears. yet sometimes we forget that, and we think that we are the only ones in the world with difficulties and hesitations, while everyone else is supposedly having the time of their lives. that quote above may have been said in passing without much thought, but it gave me a really tight and much-needed wake-up slap. the moment we let our own problems swallow up our lives; the moment we let our own obstacles cover up those of others; the moment we focus so much on our own stories that we forget the stories of everyone else: that is when we meet the biggest problem of all.

Nothing but a shadow

I think black and death metal are what give the rest of the metal genre a bad reputation. after all, those are the only two subgenres where people actually do all that crazy stereotypical metal bullshit (damn christianity, swing dead animals around etc), and because of those subgenres, many people think that it's this kind of behaviour which characterises metal as a whole and makes it so inaccessible and forbidding to outsiders. personally, im not very supportive of black/death metal. it seems like a whole lot of facepaint and dead animals and emo-acting just to act hardcore. really, if you're hardcore then it'll show naturally. just look at a band like PTH: their latest mv has them doing their gay dance on a boat, and their promotional posters look like this:

that's arif the bassist on the top. he is wearing a kimono. and make-up. PTH is still one heck of a hardcore prog metalcore band. i'd like to see any black/death metal band pull off a stunt like that and still command respect onstage.

i think im more or less screwed for H3 physics. im not saying this in a very depressed or sad tone, but really in a tone of resignation. there's really no way im going to get a distinction given my current standards. i guess all that's left now is for me to sit back and enjoy the ride to the end. pass or not, i guess it was still a valuable and enriching experience.

and now it's time once again for... SOMEWHAT RELATED FUNNY COMIC OF THE DAY(not necessarily updated daily)!

I think i have found a new favourite web comic in Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal :D

It's not even bittersweet right now. It's just bitter

Yesterday was the release of the PW results. if you got your A, then here's saying congrats! :D but if you didnt, it's still not the end of the world; pw is only a tiny fragment of the A levels, so the war has only barely begun. in the hall, ms poon was going on and on about how NJC's pw A rate was at a stunning 76% and whatnot, getting everyone's hopes up. alas, my class was not to have such fortune. our class A rate deviated immensely from the cohort average, so much so that if im not mistaken we only about a 40% distinction rate, possibly one of the worse pw classes in the level. as cheers and shouts were heard elsewhere in the hall, 09SH27 was silent. the majority was too downcast to utter a sound, and the lucky few who survived were not in the position to say anything either. i may have gotten an A, but how i wish this personal victory wasnt in the face of such a crushing defeat to so many others.

but life goes on regardless of my wishes. late last night to early this morning was the 2010 NJOAC night hike, which was really very fun :D we started out from macritchie reservoir at 10pm and ended up next to bukit gombak mrt at around 3.45am, with lots of crazy running, jumping and talking cock in between. and the most surprising part was that we actually won O.O which means $50 swensens voucher and mr low now owes us dinner (he bet that we wouldnt be able to win... sucker :P ). huge thanks to NJOAC for organising this, to edmund for being our ic and putting up with our nonsense, and of course to H3 Fatty Bom Boms! chin, j.tan, rayson, brenda and tzumi :) i suggest class outing to swensens with 2 mega earthquakes!

chin's Rock Night band (chin, rayson, joshua tan, junjie, bryan) are gonna have a jamming session tomorrow at clarke quay. should i go? quite interested in seeing what song they will play and how good they are. personally im hoping they play some old-school hardcore linkin park, but knowing junjie i doubt that's even remotely possible. oh well.

It's in my blood, literally

Today was my NS medical check-up. met aaron and adhitya just coming out of the building, and they warned me, like so many others before me have, to watch out for the mental aptitude test. at first, i took their words with a pinch of salt. i thought, it's just answering mcq questions in front of a computer; how hard could it be?

so anyway, i'll fast-forward through the check-up cos there wasnt really anything special about it. just the usual urine, blood, teeth, chest x-ray, eyes, ears, hegith and weight, and finally blood pressure. by the way, it seems that for now im a PES D, cos my mum has thalassemia minor (a genetic blood disorder that causes abnormally low haemoglobin count) and it might pass on to me, so the doctors wanna run additional tests on my blood. so at least till one month later, im certified unfit for NS :D

and now, the mental aptitude test. it was CRAZY. firstly, it was hard; in fact, it was a killer test. number sequences and picture patterns that made no sense whatsoever. secondly, and more importantly, it was freaking TWO HOURS LONG. i knew it would be long, but two whole hours is freakin overkill.

sometimes i wonder if the only reason why people talk to me is to ask me about homework. i know it's a very pessimistic and cynical way of thinking, but it really applies very well to some of the people i know. or maybe it's just cos im in a really bad mood today. i dont really know why; maybe it has to do with the loss of blood from the medical test. maybe i am thalassemic after all :/

Relax guys, don't worry

Optimism is the order of the day.

while im here whining about how stressed up i am and how packed my schedule is, my friends are all worrying about me by the sidelines. this is not just about me getting good grades or bringing glory to the school anymore; it's about blazing through all obstacles and reassuring my friends that their worry is unwarranted.

thanks for the support guys. i cant promise a perfect score, but i will promise the best i can achieve.

Burn bright like a star. Burn out like a comet. But most importantly, burn with the fire of the heart.

and now it's time for... SOMEWHAT RELATED FUNNY COMIC OF THE DAY(not necessarily updated daily)!

:D

100. Or is it?

100th post! :D im actually quite surprised that the blog has made it this far.

played hockey again yesterday for the first time in ages, and i've gotten extremely rusty. im really really trying to find time to go for trainings again once in a while, but right now my only "free" days are wednesday and friday, and even then they're usually swallowed by Mt. Homework. still, like zhihao said, it's important to keep physically fit from now till NS, so hopefully a hockey session here and there plus some self-training will dampen the shock of transition.

i was reminded today of a quote from a book i read once, "The Universe - An Autobiography". well, actually i cant really remember the quote (i suck at memorising quotes, which is one of the reasons why i didnt take lit in jc), but it was something like "The theory doesn't have to exactly describe reality. As long as reality acts as if it were described by the theory, then the theory is still valid." i'll try to put it more simply:

let's say you have a magical machine. you dont know what's in the machine, but you notice that every time you put a white ball into the machine, a red ball comes out. so you conclude that the machine must contain a red spraypaint can to paint the ball red. since this theory holds true for all the results you've seen so far (white ball becomes red ball), it is valid.

the problem is that there are other possibilities (maybe it simply replaces the white ball with a new red ball?), and unless you can peer into the machine directly (but you cant, cos it's magical :D ) you will never know for sure. this is the same situation for many fundamental theories of science today. of course you can conduct more experiments (relating back to the magical machine analogy, this would mean putting other objects besides white balls into the machine) which would narrow down the possibilities, but ultimately it's just a matter of choosing a convention from a few equally plausible theories. one could say that the moon orbits the earth because it is held by gravity, but one also argue that it is being pushed by invisible, untouchable angels who grow weaker as they get further from the earth. both can explain the phenomenon, but by convention everyone speaks of "forces" and not "angels".

what difference does it make, really? because of the limited observation and comprehension abilities of us mere mortals, we will never know if our "science" truly reflects reality or if it's just a coincidental approximation of it. why get so worked up over controversial theories like evolution? if you believe in a god, then just believe that your god acts upon the development of animals in a way that is perfectly described by evolution theory. go on, try it; it really wouldnt make much of a difference on the theory itself. As far as us imperfect beings are concerned, reality is not absolute, but arbitrary and pragmatic.

and i've absolutely gotten hooked onto this song by System of a Down. it has one of the most progressive rhythms i've ever heard for a non-progressive or mathcore band. and the lyrics are absolutely poetic. my favourite lines in the song come from the chorus:

Do we, do we know

When we fly?

When we, when we go

Do we die?

The song is Question!, by SOAD:

 

Thank the shadows

Napfa... couldnt get gold cos i stupidly went to do 100% standard pull-ups and hence only could do 5 of them (1 more for C! T_T ), so i got a D for pull-ups. 2.4 was B (10.52... holy shit i've deproved), and everything else was A (barely made it for sbj and sit-ups). maybe if i get the chance to retake napfa i might, unless i have to sacrifice another saturday just to do it -.-

NE club (that's right, i refuse to acknowledge NE council) has given me yet another task to do, which is to work with two other people to design this year's responsible voting worksheet for the coming student council elections. ironically, i vaguely remember commenting that last year's worksheet was a complete waste of time (funny how karma likes to bite back at you :/ ). anyway, the worksheet's finally done, and hopefully you guys will find it less boring and tedious than last year's one (i doubt it). but it was during the designing process that i suddenly started thinking about the student council.

let's face it: being a councillor is mostly a thankless job, and the rewards arent really that great either. people always say that the saikung that councillors have to endure is paid for in terms of portfolio fodder, but isnt it true that unless you are a high-ranking councillor, you could easily earn similar recognition without as much effort by being a CCA exco member? the duties of a councillor include, in part:

• planning school-scale events which people will call lame and time-wasting
• doing all menial tasks associated with executing said events
• trying to get the same naysayers criticising said events to participate enthusiastically in them

and at the end of the day, people will not remember "wow, they actually managed to plan the performance, rehearse sufficiently and prepare all the props within the few weeks they were given", but rather "damn, why didnt they have the common sense to stage it in the hall instead of the cramped LT5". admittedly i used to think like that, but after getting to know many of the councillors in boarding school, i began to see the effort of many human beings, many friends, rather than the oversights of a faceless entity.

and when i thought about it, i realised that the same people who would act all cynical towards school events are those who wouldnt take the council elections seriously in the first place. in effect, they are criticising the people they voted for in the first place. so, im not saying this as i the ne club member, or i the responsible voting worksheet designer, but as myself: vote responsibly, or shut up the next time an event is held in a non-air-conditioned venue.

today's post is dedicated to behind-the-scenes workers past, present and future. cheers :)

and now it's time for... UNRELATED FUNNY COMIC OF THE DAY(not necessarily updated daily)!

:D

Tempered by flames

I have been condemned by my econs teacher for quite some time now, and now it seems that i've also officially been blacklisted by my gp teacher. definitely not living up to the hype from last year. the interesting thing to note is that i honestly havent been putting in any less (or more) effort into either subject compared to last year, but the feedback i get is so vastly different.  maybe it has to do with the fact that we're SH2s now. maybe it's because the school expects so much from me particularly. probably it's a lethal cocktail of both. sadly, im ashamed to admit that i have failed. as a representative of the school, i have failed. as a student, i have failed. even as a person who's only duty is to give an honest effort, i have failed.

i really miss the undercover days. the days when nobody knew who i was, or cared about my grades as long as i scrape a pass, or chased me for homework beyond the minimum 70~% completion. those were the days when the dean didnt interrogate you every time she hears the faintest rumour that you havent been doing homework, and when teachers didnt use "it's because of your 2 H3s" every time you cant hand in homework on time.

but of course, the best medicines are always bitter. i guess no matter how strongly i feel against this kind of zero-tolerance discipline, i cant really argue that it wont be beneficial to me come the A levels. for the first time ever, im gonna be pushed to my limit, pushed beyond 100% even. and if i survive, it'll be one heck of a transformation.

IF i survive.

thanks bryan for helping sort out my thoughts. future no-life mugger buddies ftw! :D

Fate is blind

Now that i think about it, i realise that there is very little about me that is worthy of mention. im not the best in any of my subjects, and im not the best all-rounder either (remember that IP girl who got 6 As for promos?), so why should i be treated like im any special? i really detest the attention and pressure that the teachers are giving me, partially for the rather selfish reason that i dont like to be stressed out (i know it's a very self-centred reason, but please we're all only human, arent we?), but mainly because i feel it is misplaced and much better spent on other, more fitting candidates for the position of "school mascot". why didnt they approach that 6A girl, or any of the other people who did well for promos? why was it only jerrell and i? and jerrell declined the offer (not that i blame him or anything; i fully respect his decision), leaving me alone to be the everyday guy striving for an extraordinary goal. life isnt a fairy tale, and in reality the underdog nearly always loses.

napfa is this saturday! looking back at the wheezy little strand of spaghetti i was last year, i really feel like i've come a long way in terms of physical fitness. from struggling in every event to a 23-point failure (no thanks to pull-ups -.-) and now a silver with a (very very very) slim chance of a gold. i guess mainly i have hockey to thank for this. if i went ahead and joined IT club like i was planning to at the start of SH1, i think i wouldnt be half the person i am today in terms of physical fitness. specifically, i guess i'd have to thank derek, thiagu and the two nigels for being such excellent slave drivers :D

i wonder how the school would react if i bombed during my A levels. probably NJC's failed investment of the year.

Creature from the swamp

I'm back from Kukup! :D well, the kampung wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. first off, it isnt really a kampung to begin with. it was actually a house in a mangrove area supported by stilts, and you can see mudskippers everywhere during low tide. and it isnt as backward and primitive as period dramas and my own imagination led me to believe either. the front porch and balcony are boardwalks,  but everything else is made of solid concrete. it also has proper piped water and electricity, and even has air-conditioning to boot. but of course, there are bound to be diferences between the mangrove beach of malaysia and the concrete jungle of singapore. there are squatpans and toilet bowls in the house, but these are purely decorative fixtures as one can see straight down into the sea below. houseflies are so numerous that it is impossible to have a meal without constantly waving at the food. and there's no railings for the narrow paths leading to the houses in the neighbourhood, such that every moment you're walking there's this tiny thought at the back of your head that you might just lose your balance and fall into the mud below. i spent the last few days eating, sleeping, playing with firecrackers and trying to fish. nothing much really, everything was very free and easy.

oh well, i dont have much else left to say.

Jack of all trades, master of none

First off: Happy April Fool's! :D april fool's is usually forgotten among other special occasions because it is (unfortunately and unfairly) not an actual school holiday, but i love what the IDEAS committee came up with for this year's april fool's: adhesive cards meant to be stuck on people's backs, very much in the same vein as the classic "kick me" sign.

what an awesome idea, isnt it? :D i managed to prank edmund loo, marcus tan and xiaolan with this nifty card today.

the SPARKS finals were today, and it went quite horribly. we finished third with -200 points (i think that's about it, cos i kind of lost count). great job to the winning team from aerius, because they were the only group to not only finish with points in the positive, but with an actually decent score. they definitely deserved their win.

ms chua talked to me again today, cos she caught wind that i was unprepared for tutorials. though she didnt say which teacher told her, i can make a reasonable guess that it was either gp or econs. i think that number of gp and econs assignments i did and handed in last year combined can be counted with the fingers on my two hands. i know that a "model student" would do all his assignments on time and even do extra revision and other mugger-type activities, but i hate it that im now expected to become said model student. i want to be one of the masses, one of the "normal", non-model students, who generally keeps up with schoolwork but is granted the occasional minor misdemeanour. I am not perfect, and you have no right or reason to expect me to be.

i just realised that the world has little use for academic all-rounders. what's the point in getting straight A's for the A levels when at the end of the day we can only take one course in uni? do we really need a strong background in economics to study aeronautics, or good chemistry knowledge to study law? at the end of the day, it is the prodigies who should and will reclaim their rightful throne at the top of the academic fraternity. it will be math geniuses like wencong, chem geniuses like marcus and william, physics geniuses like xiaolan, and other such people who are gifted in one particular aspect, who will eventually succeed in life. of what use is the person who can "almost" do everything, except to play second fiddle everywhere? some people might say that we get good overall grades to gain uni admission, but i'd like to put forth that if our education system prohibits natural talents from fulfilling their vast potential because they are not as gifted in completely unrelated fields, is that not a flaw in the system itself?

my family wants to spend the long weekend at some kampung place in Kukub (is that how you spell it? anyway it's just somewhere in malaysia) -.- which means that i'll be d/ced the entire weekend. not to mention i probably wont get any homework done, which is exactly what i dont need given my current situation. not to mention ms chua is apparently keeping tabs on me now >.>