A random thought while doing my GP essay: moral code states that we should help others in need. in other words, it is something expected of us, and that it is ethically wrong not to do so. however, it also states that we should never look a gift horse in the mouth and complain about what we receive or don't receive from others. so basically, we are morally obligated to help, but simultaneously morally obligated not to expect it.
the moral code contradicts itself; what kind of ramifications does it have on our lives? there are two possible conclusions we can draw from this:
the moral code is flawed. we have been making life decisions all this while based on a system of rules which is either dysfunctional or incomplete. either way, there seems to be no logical reason why we should follow it.
the moral code is meant to be a guideline. it is not so much a set of rules rather than a set of suggestions and recommendations which we can choose to follow or not. in that case, there should be no penalty for not following the moral code, and thus no punishment for conventionally "wrong" deeds.
either way, the moral code becomes severely undermined, perhaps even rendered useless. the already grey distinction between good and evil is once again blurred. perhaps the nihilists were right all along.
Let's start with friday. friday was the first time i was late for school since getting into NJC, and what a "first" it was, because i arrived in school 90min late. and the most epic thing was that due to a series of fortunate coincidences, nobody noticed that i was late. i wasnt running the road run that day, but was instead supposed to take charge of the charades station for the total defence day amazing race. my personal mentor thought that i had reported to my amazing race station, while the people at the station couldnt be bothered if i was there or not, so basically that's the end of that. epic win, yes? :)
there was an impromptu OG10 outing after road run (organised by the orientees no less! really pleasantly surprised by their initiative), but none of the ogls could make it due to one reason or another. i myself had to go for chem spa, so while they were eating and talking cock i was adding grey powder to colourless liquid and watching bubbles form -.- after that i had to go for H3 physics practical, which by the way is probably the most boring science practical ever. my first practical on wednesday involved using an atomic force microscope, which basically meant i stared at a practically stationary needle hovering above a piece of a CD for 3 hours. friday's practical was slightly better, because at least there was some hands-on activity for me. and by that i mean shifting a magnet away from a small black sensor in 0.1 inch increments ([sarcasm] how fun! [\sarcasm]). and i used to think that watching a pendulum swinging was a boring physics practical.
saturday's training was a joke. we were supposed to have perfectly normal NIE pitch training, but all of a sudden coach told us to go for a 6-on-6 full-day hockey tournament at the Padang. it was obvious before we even began that we were way out of our league - the participants were all international representatives from around the world, including such hockey powerhouses as australia and holland to name a few. the only reason why such small-fries like us were even allowed into the tournament was because the royal thai air force forfeited in the last minute and coach put us down as a replacement team (so everybody referred to us as the royal thai air force team the entire day). we were totally ownded at first, but then coach called down a few of his star students to join the team and we managed to win one match out of four by the end of the day (and mostly it was because of their effort and not ours).
after getting sunburnt the entire day, i went over to yiyin's house for the ignis ogl dinner. first and foremost, her house is HUGE. seriously, it has 3 levels and a basement, a swimming pool, a home theatre/karaoke system, and a toilet in every bedroom including the guest rooms. you know you've made it in life when you can even afford to have an air-conditioner in your storeroom. so anyway, the night was spent stuffing myself with steamboat staples, making over-exaggerated comments about yiyin's house and wealth (or maybe i wasnt that far from the reality...), and watching lucas, zikai, yuanzhi and boonbin get high over karaoke. dammit, it's precisely stuff like this that makes me miss Genesis so much...
and today was the continuation of yesterday's tournament. we ended up being eliminated at the semi-finals of the plate tournament, even with the best efforts of coach's star students. if i knew how to contact them again i would definitely say a huge "thank you", because there was no way we could have gone half as far without their help. so basically, nearly my entire weekend was burned away, when i was supposed to be doing gp and econs and maths. so... good game to me T_T
i wonder how they can smile in the face of a dead end. is it ignorance which grants them such cheer as they walk head-on into a collision? or is it a false optimism which they exude, to mask the fear and despair which they must feel? i weep for them, if they do not weep for themselves, as they happily, obliviously throw their effort down the drain with the false hope that it will grant them success.
Finally managed to find some free time. well, hockey A divs start next week, so training is now monday to saturday. i cant believe that our season starts so soon this year; i was hoping for a bit more time to prepare, but i guess this way the season will conclude earlier and i'll have more time to concentrate on H3 physics and common tests in june. and we finally have a keeper! yes, an SH1 keeper who has some serious talent. he's got everyone impressed, even the coach. i have a good feeling that this time next year, he will be able to accomplish for the boys what dolly had achieved for the girls' team last year.
today was the maths H3 test, and i seriously screwed up. i knew i wasnt going to do well, but i wasnt expecting failure at such a huge scale. im expecting a single-digit score in a test out of 52 marks. is this just a phase that all the maths H3 students will have to go through, like how everyone would fail english or lit in their first term? or maybe im just not cut out for this. maybe i should just do what normal, sensible people do and focus on physics H3.
after the test, i stayed behind in the classroom with darrell, joy and a very mathematically inclined individual (let's call him wc) for a while. darrell, joy and i were discussing how epic our fails were when wc comes up to us and asks for some clarification about a certain question. turns out he misunderstood the question, and he shouted "dammit i lost one mark!". it started me thinking about how it must feel to be a prodigy like him. on the one hand, you want to stretch your capabilities and will probably come down very hard on yourself whenever you make a mistake, but on the other hand you have to be careful not to make it too obvious lest others see it as not being content with your lot.
and speaking of coping with homework, i think my schedule has been quite radically shaken up by having to adapt to having 2 H3s and A divs coming up. my weekdays are so packed that i usually return home about 8+pm and sometimes up to 11pm, and there's no way my body can physically cope with doing homework after a day of lessons, H3 and hockey without blacking out. which means that the only time i do homework is during the weekend. the result: if you give me homework on friday, i would probably be able to hand it up on monday, but if you gave it to me on monday i will not be able to do it even if you give me till friday. so if you're one of my teachers and you're reading this (highly unlikely and mildly disturbing...), basically this is why im sometimes lagging and sometimes ahead in my homework.
i just found out from A7X's facebook page that they have started recording their new album, with Mike Portnoy from The Dream Theatre as a stand-in for the The Rev. i've heard of The Dream Theatre before, but i've never heard any of their songs before. i heard a bit of their music, and i have to say that i still prefer A7X and PTH. still, it's exciting to know that the new A7X album is in the works, even more so when you consider that this album will contain some of the last songs that The Rev has written. and i really hope that someone will carry on The Rev's legacy and let A7X live on.
suddenly i find that im addicted to this song. anime buffs may find this familiar, because it was the second opening song for Gundam 00. i kinda regret not bothering to follow the series last year, cos know i barely have time to do anything, let alone watch dozens of Gundam episodes at one go. Ash Like Snow, by The Brilliant Green:
Turns out that some of my assumptions about cremation were quite off. i always thought that after cremation, all that would be left was a pile of ashes which they would hand to you in an urn, all ready for the family to do whatever they wanted. in reality however, the body is not completely disintegrated and there will remain a few bone fragments. and these bone fragments will be contained and passed to the family in a standard toyogo box, the stackable kind that most people would use to store books or toys or other trivial posessions. what's more is that if the person was a full-grown adult, chances are that the bones will not fit into your average urn. when that happens, a friendly staff member would take a wooden mallet and proceed to crush the bones, which have been rendered brittle through the cremation process, until they were more or less ground into powder, before pouring the ashes into the urn. all this is done in the presence of whoever is collecting the ashes, and there is no effort made by the staff to hide or even pretend to be ashamed of their detachment.
forgive me if my tone seems caustic, but as much as i try to be impartial and objective whenever i post stuff here, i have to admit that sometimes there will be snippets of bias that evade my greatest efforts to remain neutral. still, at the end of the day i dont hold it against the cremation people. it has to be difficult to stay human all the time when you dabble in such an emotionally trying industry as death. the job only requires something capable of storing cremated remains, something that can convert said remains into ashes, and something to pass the ashes to the recipients. the job doesnt require actual emotion on the part of the employee; in fact, emotion would be a liability to the employee in this case, as he would be more likely to choke on his own emotions. im quite sure that if the whole process could be automated then it would, because a robot could carry out the task with cold precision and clinical efficiency. but since the process cant be automated (at least not at our current state of technology), the logical alternative would be to make the employees as robot-like as possible.
amidst all the rumours, all the gossip, all the guesses, could there really be a genuine tale being written? i shall watch this play unfold through my tunnel vision and see if i've guessed the plot. and up till now i still dont know if the characters have broken the fourth wall.
Today was the cremation. i hope my eulogy did justice to his memory. hopefully now that everything's been done there will be some sort of closure and we can all work towards adapting to this new life.
and i think im so damn screwed for H3 maths. i didnt understand anything at all during yesterday's tutorial, and now there's a test next thursday covering everything we've learnt so far, except that out of 8 chapters i've only learned 2, and i havent even laid eyes on the notes for the other 6 chapters on graph theory yet. sometimes i wonder if it was a rash decision for me to take H3 maths all of a sudden, cos now it seems that i have two H3s and can barely cope with either of them. maybe im really spreading myself out too thinly. i think i'll use the coming test as a guage: if i can survive this test, then there's a glimmer of hope that i might be able to survive the rest of the year. and it's not just my H3 maths that im worried about, cos i seem to be lagging quite far behind in H2 maths too, what with the 3 vectors tutorials as of yet unfinished in my bag. bitten off more than i can chew this time?
the annual NJC road run is next friday, but im not running it cos im in charge of the charades station for the total defence day amazing race. how ironic it is, that last year i was dreading the road run while this year im itching to participate but cant. maybe one of these days we could run the route for hockey training, but knowing nigel he'll probably halve the amount of time given to us, and quite naturally suck all the fun out of it -.-
random thought: how close do you have to be to someone to add him/her on facebook? the thought suddenly sprang to mind after i noticed that facebook will quite frequently prompt me to add people who i sort of know, but im not sure if they know me or if they know me well enough to want to add me. you have stuff like "XXX - 70 mutual friends" and then im quite shocked cos 70 mutual friends is quite a lot for someone who i sort-of-dont-know. and wouldnt it be quite sad if i couldnt keep in touch with fellow NJCians after we graduate cos i could have added them on facebook but didnt? isnt facebook all about keeping in touch with anyone and everyone you've met in your life?
another random thought: a while back i posted the A7X cover of Flash of the Blade here, and i said that i preferred the cover better than the original. for some reason, today i decided to hear the Iron Maiden original again, and i have to say that i picked up somestuff which i missed the first time. now i think that both have their plus and minus points. im not gonna say that Iron Maiden completely trashes A7X like a lot of the youtube comments i've seen, cos i think music elitism is kinda stupid. admittedly i used to be very critical of techno and bubblegum pop, but then i realised that you cant generalise an entire genre or a band's entire history based on a few songs (for example, Abandon All Ships rekindled my faith in techno :) ). i think the Iron Maiden version has better guitar skills, but disappoints me cos the guitars are not as distorted as i'd like them to be and cos the drums are really soft compared to the A7X version. and of course, the Iron Maiden vocals are really unique to say the least... sometimes i like it and sometimes i dont. well, here's both versions so you can make an informed judgement:
Writing an eulogy for a person who's still alive has to be one of the most emotionally confusing and exhausting endeavours possible. the emotional part of you wants to believe that everything's gonna be ok, and that he'll recover, and that there's simply no need for an eulogy since he will pull through anyway, but the rational part of you simply glances at his withering body and concludes firmly that there is no way he can live for long, and that for efficiency's sake you should just go about writing it. when my mom first told me to write an eulogy for my grandfather, he was still alive but in critical condition and expected to pass on any time. admittedly, i wasnt as strong as my mom or aunts or grandmother (she seemed to be the calmest of us all. perhaps once you reach a certain age you are already instinctively prepared for stuff like this), who were already preparing for the funeral while my grandfather was still breathing, albeit fitfully. well, now what's happened has happened, and there's no more room for uncertainty or false hope, which means that i need to get started. i really dont know what i should write; something simple, or do i have a responsibility to write more, more than what im confident or comfortable with?
friends should never make you feel obligated to do anything. they should never impose any sort of pressure on you to do or say anything unless it is really and objectionably for everyone's good. but sometimes i feel like im pushing my limits as a friend. if you dont feel like talking about it, TELL ME and i will stop probing. sometimes i cant see where the line is, but if you see that i've crossed it then you must let me know immediately, otherwise i might end up just going on and on and hurting everyone in the process.
At approximately 3.50pm today, my grandfather left us.
I wasnt there personally to witness it. my mom had been staying over at my aunt's house since yesterday, and at about 3.45pm she called us to come over and see him one last time, as his breathing had gotten slower. even though we went over as quickly as possible, we arrived at about 4pm. apparently he did not have to struggle bitterly over a long period of time, and went peacefully in his sleep. i guess that in itself is a blessing.
for the past few days, he had been lying in a hospital bed at my aunt's house with breathing and movement difficulties, occasionally awake but mostly unaware of what was happening around him. he responded to verbal stimuli, but since he simply nodded to everything we said my mom suspected that it was just a reflex action to sound. yesterday my mom and aunts were discussing whether or not to send him to a hospital, and they couldnt reach an agreement. so one time my mom casually asked him "do you want to go to hospital?" and miraculously, he shook his head. my mom couldnt believe it so she asked "do you want to stay at home?" and this time he nodded his head. my mom and aunts reached a compromise and agreed that if he was still alive at 4pm the next day, they would send him to hospital.
in the moments leading up to his death, his condition suddenly became very stable. he no longer breathed through fitful coughs, and left peacefully and painlessly in his sleep. and almost as if he was saving us the trouble of admitting him to hospital, he passed away mere minutes before the agreed deadline of 4pm. it was always in his nature to put others before himself.
The year of the Tiger, and he lies bedridden
Eating through a tube, breathing through coughs
One moment he is with us, the next his thoughts drift away
Who's to say he comprehends his situation?
Outside the room, his wife and children gather
They discuss, with heavy heart, such details as
What song; what eulogy; what epitaph to use
They speak not with precaution, but with certainty
Knowing that the time must come soon
Away from them, his grandchildren sit
One amongst them listens in silence
Listening as they discuss the painfully inevitable
Someone cracks a joke; they laugh;
Relishing this chance to distract themselves
From the harsh reality they face
One remains silent
He wonders if his two younger brothers
See what he can see
He wonders if the old man in the bed
Hears what he can hear
Do they want to see? Does he want to hear?
Is this my third post of the week? i think it is. i managed to churn out three posts during a jam-packed school week; think i deserve a medal of some sort? maybe one of these days i'll make one out of paper mache. for myself. because i AM that much of an idiot :)
anyway, let's talk about yesterday first. after school there was a briefing for all the sapphire scholars. i think i left quite a bad impression of myself for ms oon (sapphire teacher coordinator) cos i keep forgetting about meetings and emails and stuff :X but in any case, one of the questions she asked during the briefing was what kind of a career path we wanted, and truth be told that question has barely crossed my mind, and im sure it hasnt for the others as well. in primary school and sec 1-2, we were basically led by the hand and studied whatever subjects the system wanted us to study. even when the option of choosing subjects opened up in sec 3 and in jc 1, there were still plenty of restrictions to guide us along (contrasting subjects, academic units etc) and in the end there was still plenty of backseat driving by the system. so when i realised that going to uni means having free reign of choosing one and only one subject to study, i got a bit worried. truly, choosing a uni course is a path of no return, and the scariest thing is that there's no such thing as "i'll just choose again" or "i'll just endure a bit and it'll be over", because it will ultimately lock us into one set of careers or another. i always become afraid whenever these kinds of decisions with wide-reaching consequences have to be made; maybe im too indecisive.
after the briefing i went to physics H3. im starting to feel like im way too slack to be in H3, cos everyone else there seems to walk around with 3 sets of notes full of scribblings while im always empty-handed. but at the end of the day, the teacher just comes in and blows our minds out, and it makes no difference whether you have notes or not. so i guess in that aspect im better than other students, cos im just as bad but at least i dont waste paper by printing notes :)
and then it was the OG10 outing! :D met up with a few of the other people who were still in school, then we went to just acia at marina square for dinner with the rest of the og. awesome fun talking cock with everyone, with hilarious rapid-fire suanning of myself, kaiwei, wuhong and jason due to our respective "scandals". and i think i ate more ice-cream than actual entree (ok, the word looks really dumb without the classy "tick" on top of the "e"), which means that nigel lim will probably kill me if he reads my blog :/ went home after that.
today was cny celebrations at school, but i think the focus was more on valentine's day instead. the exact same thing happened to me this year as last year: i told myself to prepare small presents for my classmates, then i forgot and ended up taking and taking and taking other people's gifts with nothing to return, which is really very awkward -.- but at least the OG10 ogls prepared cards for all our orientees (though it was mainly cass and sam who were doing stuff). im really glad to see that OG10 is so tight-knit now, and i really hope that it will continue after they get seperated into classes.
in the days leading up to today i've seen people put in so much effort for what i've always considered to be any other day of the year (coming from cat high and all), and i really find it intriguing that people can be motivated by such an abstract and intangible idea as romance to put in so much effort for this one day of the year: time, effort, money, teddy bears, cookies, pop-up cards, paper roses, foam roses, real roses... now i see why it has been said that love is nothing more than a special case of insanity. still, im not being critical or cynical about it cos i am after all still an outsider to all of this and thus have no right to judge. after all, insanity is all a matter of perspective.
random: thanks for the v.day note yicen, but the word is spelled valeNTINE, yeah? >.>
but just cos valentine's and cny are happening on the same day doesnt mean that we should neglect cny (at least that's what the school wants us to think, for obvious reasons...), so jacob and i actually dug out our rarely-worn chinese-style shirts that are usually only reserved for racial harmony day. we totally looked like kungfu masters or something lol. and the school's cny programme was actually genuinely entertaining, not just something we had to sit through like some other school-organised celebrations in the past. or is it just cos im starting to greater respect and appreciate the efforts of the student council and other such behind-the-scene groups? in any case, i have to say that the western dance performance seriously made my day: epic chinese fans + colour-changing dresses + light-up dresses totally took the performance by storm. and it was damn funny watching jacob getting stunned by the performance ("wow, i want a dancer girlfriend now!").
went back to cat high for a while after the programme. arrived just in time for some singing competition, and sad to say that the general amount of singing talent in cat high hasnt risen since we left. went for lunch with marcus, joshua and jerrell, then we walked around j8 a bit before going home.
well, the long cny weekend is coming up, and hopefully i wont be too caught up trying to catch up on homework to lock myself up in a room and mug for the entire four days. i swore when i came into NJC that no matter what the circumstances, i would never become one of the sereotypical muggers that the school seems to be so notoriously producing. what's the point of studying so hard, trying to get a good job in the future, if you end up spending all your time earning money but have no time to spend it?
junjie introed me to this awesome Bad Romance cover a few days back. drums are a bit too loud in relation to the other instruments in my opinion, but otherwise an amazing song. now, against all odds, im hooked onto Bad Romance. ~Rah rah ah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma, ga ga ooh-la la, want your bad romance~
I went for my first H3 math lesson today. well, it was high time anyway; cant expect to be able to take 2 H3s while just sitting around doing nothing. the lesson itself was quite manageable, and i had panyu for company, so i guess it was quite ok. the real killer wasnt in the lesson itself, though, but rather the lessons before that - namely 6 Graph Theory chapters and 2 Sets chapters... holy crap i dunno how in the world im supposed to be able to catch up now T_T
while i was on the bus home today, a man carrying a small kid in his arms boarded. the boy (im presuming his son) looked maybe 2-3 years old, and the father didnt have one of those carry-your-baby-like-a-backpack things, so im guessing he was struggling quite a bit. there were still quite a few seats available on the bus, but they were scattered throughout the bus. i guess the father was uncomfortable with leaving his toddler sitting alone with a stranger, so he sat down next to another guy with his son still in his arms. time passed, and they guy was still sitting there, seemingly oblivious to the fact that right next to him was a man who needed a seat so that his son could be comfortable. it was pretty obvious that nothing was going to happen, so i gave him my seat (i had an empty seat next to me so that he could sit with his son). and after that, i sat next to they guy who didnt give his seat in the first place.
i understand why people might not want to help if it entails some form of self-sacrifice. no matter how selfish it seems, self-preservation is nearly always at the top of our priorities, and we could never fault someone for placing himself over another. but what happened on the bus challenges my long-held belief that humans are kind by nature; that in the absence of sacrifice there would be nothing preventing a person from doing good and he would thus do it instinctively. there were so many seats available on the bus that the guy could have easily just shifted to another seat and let the father have two joined seats for his son. personally i dont even feel like i have done a good deed, cos i wasnt even giving up my seat, but just shifting to another seat. what does this mean for my belief: that humans are not actually intrinsically good, or that people's threshold for "sacrifice" has gone down to such ridiculous levels?
on a random note: when you put objects into groups it's called organisation; when you put animals into groups it's called classification; when you put people into groups it's called segregation. why do we strive to achieve economic efficiency with our manpower, selecting the elites for grooming while ignoring the "average" majority, when it is clear as day that people are not mere "capital equipment" to play around with? the unique thing about manpower (some might say it's a hindrance) is that it hates being categorised based on capability, and will always fight back no matter how inoffensive it is made to look like. whether you want to gather the cream of the crop of sports, art, music, academics, or just about any skill you can think of, there will be people protesting that the rest are neglected, or that we are not all given a fair chance to prove and develop ourselves, or some other reasons. and of course the lucky few who were chosen will retort that they have proven themselves to be the most promising and thus the bulk of attention should be focused on them, and that the "average" majority should try to prove themselves instead of whining about their plight.
my personal opinion? i feel that elitist as it seems, special attention to the gifted minority of our society is definitely needed for society as a whole to progress. what use is an enitre nation of secondary school physics teachers compared to a single einstein who can come up with a theory of relativity? in much the same way, we can only hope to progress as a community if we invest in those few bright sparks who can truly single-handedly pioneer new changes in our lives. still, that does not mean we should simply ignore everyone else - einstein may be arguably the most prominent physicist of all time, but in no way was he the only contributor to the realm of physics. credit has to be given to the other less famous but still equally important discoveries made by other scientists of that time. similarly, we should always strive to close the gap between the elites and the laymen, allowing the non-elites to also contribute to society. in my opinion, an ideal education system would be one where talent is reconised and built upon immediately, as and when it shows itself. this way, there would be no cases where people are unable to develop to their fullest potential simply because they discovered their abilities late and missed some entrance test set at some arbitrary time. the laymen would constantly have the chance to earn their right to acheive their full potential, and the elites would constantly be challenged to prove their worth and stretch their limits in the face of competition.
i guess it is quite ironic that after my initial critique of treating people in economic terms, i should propose an economic concept as the answer to our problems. confused? if you're an SH2 economics student, then try reading up again on the theory of contestable markets from last year and spot the similarities between that and what im suggesting here. elite group = monopoly, entrance test = barrier to entry. mr hussain would be proud, yeah? :)
let us not forget that despite everything that einstein had acheived, he was born with learning disabilities and was nearly denied an education because he was a late bloomer.
[crazyemotalking]
certain events today got me thinking about death :/
if i came up to you and said i wanted to talk about death, you would probably scan my wrists for penknife scars and bring me to woodbridge. but even amidst all the stigma and social taboos surrounding death, isnt it a topic that everyone must face up to eventually? would i want to be conscious and aware of my situation the entire time, knowing that i might go the next day, seeing and feeling my body detiorate to nothing, but thankfully being able to plan out my final days? or would it be better if i slowly lost touch with the outside world and reverted back to the mental capabilities of a 10-year-old, oblivious that i'm reaching the end? at the end of the day, i guess the most important question is "do i dare admit that i'm dying?" currently, i have to say i'll gladly take any sedative to numb the onset of death, simply because there's so much in life that i dont want to let go of.
it must be easier to leave when you are willing to let go, but how can you let go if you have so much to hold on to? it seems nearly paradoxical - the more enriching a life you lead, the more you have to sacrifice when it is finally time to go. what is the difference between useless couch potato and a nobel prize winner if they both started off as children and end off as corpses? if there is any purpose in living, it cannot be for ourselves, because nothing we do will be able to reach out past the grave.
if we do not live for ourselves, then we must be living for everyone else. for friends; for family; for anyone and everyone we have ever met and interacted with - that must be what we live for. the nobel prize winner himself may not be any better off than the couch potato after death, but the change he has impacted on the world is far greater than what most people could even dream about. i live for the sake of everyone else - i think for now i'm satisfied by this conclusion.
or maybe i'm in denial, and in actual fact humans are just like any other animal in existence; maybe there is no such noble cause to live for other than the primal instinct of survival. i dunno, im not an expert on this, i cant judge.
[\crazyemotalking]
edit: just found this song while randomly surfing the web. when i first heard it i thought it would be your average metalcore song, but then i got to the synths. never thought that technocore (yes, i made that word up) was possible, even less that it would actually sound quite cool. Brendons Song, by Abandon All Ships:
All this stuff has started to take a physical toll on me. my calf started aching during friday's training (i have a suspiscion it's cos of practicing "It's Tricky" over and over again -.-) and by then end of it all even nigel seng could tell that i was limping slightly. still, i maintain that it was all worth it to be able to be a part of Genesis, and i'd do it all over again (probably with even greater fervour) if i had to choose again.
hockey try-outs are on monday! excited to see the new batch of guys on the team, but at the same time i feel slightly worried. are we good enough to teach them if we are still learning ourselves? the fate of next year's team could very well be determined by how quickly and how well us seniors coach them in these first few trainings. in any case, the seniors have been telling us that we need more confidence, and i guess this is one way for us to build it up.
jokes are funny until they get out of hand. i wouldnt mind as much if it was just me, but when there are two people involved then i feel that it's quite unfair to the other party. hopefully the joke will die down soon.
does anyone know what the pre-u seminar is all about? what do people do there? is it fun? is it good for your portfolio? i wouldnt want to jump in knowing nothing.
i have already remarked many times before that im amazed by how much i have changed over the course of my JC life, but these few days i've been wondering if it is for better or worse. am i really headed in the right direction, or am i becoming the arrogant insensitive monster that i have always despised and steered clear of? if you ever see me acting like that, please do not hesitate to shout some sense into me. all monsters must be restrained for the safety of the people around them.
im still in the orientation mood! :) well, partially in the mood. im still in a semi-high state all the time, like im waiting for a random person to start a "yah" cheer anytime soon. an OG10 outing and a combined Ixion OGL dinner are already in the works, so hopefully orientation wont end just yet. here's a song from the Libertas walk-in which i find really catchy, and really represents the whole orientation spirit: "Jump" by Flo Rida.
Well, it turns out that some of the OG10 orientees have found my blog (yes, crazy people have blogs too), so "Hey guys!" :) so anyway, i have to say that you guys really opened up during the remainder of Genesis since my last post, which is awesome of course. i hope Genesis was as much fun for you guys as it was for us OGLs to prepare. orientation is truly a momentous occasion for anyone entering JC life, so i hope we managed to help you guys start off with a bang. hopefully you guys will still keep in touch even after you are split up into your respective classes, cos OG10 is after all one of the first groups of people that most of you would have met when stepping into NJC. say "hi" to each other as you pass by, perhaps have a little chat while you're at it, because you should never underestimate the uplifting effects of a simple smile and wave. and maybe i'll come back to NJC this time next year and see that us "old people" have inspired some of you to become OGLs yourselves :)
and i dont think i've been as high as i was during the dance party on the last night of Genesis. even managed to pluck the drunken courage (metaphorically of course - im underage and anti-alcohol) to go on the stage with lionel and wuhong and act like idiots (as usual :D ). i cant help but compare that with last year, when i barely dared to bounce with the rhythm of the music. once again, im amazed at how much i've changed over the past year.
but alas, Genesis is over, and now the catching up on schoolwork commences. i was honestly quite taken aback initially when it seemed that all the subjects have raced ahead of me, especially econs and chem, but after the make-up lecture for maths and econs it's slightly more manageable. i still cant estimate with much confidence how long it will take for me to fully catch up, but hopefully it wont be that bad.
and i got a bit of a scare regarding the fan club today. i went to check on it and realised that there were like 10 people who i did not know at all who joined the club... they have since been removed, but im starting to get a little worried that what started off as an innocent inside joke may lead to something ugly for everyone, especially myself :(
