I've been getting very frequent bouts of nostalgia recently. i know i've said before that we shouldn't keep looking back at the past, but sometimes it's just so difficult to look in front when the scene up ahead is so difficult to bear. the second wave is imminent, and after that the final wave is less than two months away. i'd be lying if i said i'm not afraid in the least; all those old doubts and fears that i have been keeping buried underground all this time are starting to break through the surface again, and there's not much leeway to push them back when you only have two months left. every passing day, "i'll worry about it later" becomes a less and less viable way to handle the problem. increasingly, it becomes more and more tempting to go back to the past, even if only to the beginning of the year, when the storm was still far away.
but that is when i remind myself that no matter how far back in time i travel, i will have to pass this moment eventually. running away from the problem is futile, and daydreaming about running away is even worse when there's no possible way to actually turn back the clock. the time must come eventually, and fate has decreed that time to be now. the only thing left to do is to charge into the battlefield and emerge victorious. after all, the past seems bright, but the future promises to burn brighter still.
I want to be a supernova.
