Today was a wake-up call.
in the morning we got back our econs results, and i got a B. it isn't exactly bad i guess, and it's definitely well within what i predicted to get. we haven't actually gotten back our chem results yet, but mr low was hinting that i got a C, D or E, which is once again in the range of what i predicted to get. still, i guess there's a crucial difference between predicting the future and accepting it. i know that my grades so far are not horrible and there are people who got worse than that, but i just can't help but feel disappointed with myself. everyone's always expecting me to score straight As and become a president's scholar and shoot brain lasers and other fantastical nonsense like that, and what i'm doing now is falling miles short of any expectations. here i am, the guy with 13 units whom everyone seems to know of, faring so much worse than others who keep within the academic unit limit. sometimes i wish that i could give the extra unit away to someone else more deserving so that it will be better utilised. that i would no longer be obligated to get a perfect score would also be a very appreciated side-effect.
if a star wishes to become a supernova, it must first grow. it must have the ambition to grow larger and more massive than most stars ever will. when a supermassive star eventually dies out, it's own gravity will cause it to implode on itself, releasing a huge amount of energy as a supernova explosion. but at the same time, if a star grows too big for it's own good, it could also leave behind the very opposite of a supernova: a black hole. instead of a magnificent burst of energy, a black hole threatens to engulf every passing beam of light that could otherwise have illuminated the cosmos. if the supernova represents my potential culmination of success, then the black hole represents my potential failure. and ironically, extreme success and extreme failure both stem from the same first step of deciding to grow bigger than everyone else. since i've already gone on the path of no return, the only thing left to do is to ensure that it eventually becomes a supernova.
yes, the only reason i put that there was because it's called Supermassive Black Hole.
Please let it be a supernova.
