Long Overdue Notice of Relocation

OK, this should have come a long time ago, but it's not like anybody visits anymore.

New blog at http://routinepercussivemaintenance.wordpress.com/. Come visit.

Or not; I'm a blog post, not a cop.

(bonus points for recognising that it's a Simpsons reference)

Public diary

I think the reason why people like to keep personal blogs like this that are still open to the public, is that it gives them the false hope that someone, somewhere out there is reading and empathising. Just throwing that out there.

My resistance to the effects of lack of sleep has sharply decreased. I'm getting old.

It is only now that I realise how true they are, all those adages and truisms about trust being like a mirror and whatnot; about how you can never fully repair it once it is broken. "Forgive and forget" is much easier said than done, and right now I'm functioning not so much on forgiveness as I am on pity. Then again, pity itself is a very strong emotion as well.

It's like I built a tower reaching towards the heavens, standing atop four pillars. I just hope that at the end of the day, at least one of them will survive for my audacious charge towards the sky. Otherwise, everything will come crashing down.

And now I'm going to dump a whole bunch of Homestuck songs that I've come to like, because blog.

It's too late to apologise

So, it's been a long time.

With the start of my joint HubPages project with 2 of my NS friends (I'll refrain from advertising my URL here), I now have a new and perhaps more productive avenue through which I can express myself with writing. As such, the blog has largely become obsolete for me, save for the times when I feel the need to express feelings too personal or maybe too gloomy to be weaved into some sort of cash cow. Which I guess is know.

What am I supposed to think when someone considers all his options and then decides to walk away, only to keep poking his head through your window? I want to believe in second chances, but such indecision just reeks of half-heartedness and a lack of genuine commitment. I know that I come from a society which practically obliges me to forgive him, but on a personal level I have always believed that bloodline and age should never be used as excuses for shoddy or even downright callous decision-making. Call me stone-hearted; call me unforgiving, but as things stand right now I would rather weld the door shut than risk another breaking-and-entering. The only reason why the door is still open now is for the sake of humouring the other people involved.

Maybe I've always been this cold-blooded. Maybe I only became like this after the incident. I don't really care for the history lesson anymore.

Operationally Ready Date

The more observant among my readership might have noticed that the little countdown window at the top right hand corner of my blog that has been counting down for the past one and a half years or so has finally stopped counting down. For the less informed of you, that means that yes, I have officially ORDed.

It was a rather interesting experience for me. The supposedly typical scene of ORD has always been of a bunch of crazy maniacs running around and shouting at the top of their lungs with their pink ICs stuck on their foreheads while their ex-superiors look on powerless, no longer commanding the authority to stop them. However, my actual ORD experience was far more subtle. I walked into camp and had a small chat with the people who were in the office at the time, then proceeded to the CCO to collect my IC. Of course there was joy and laughter, because in the end it truly is a happy and long-awaited milestone, but there was also a bittersweet sense of farewell as we said our goodbyes to the people we've met over the course of our journey.

Considering how I still have many fond memories of my two years of JC, it's not hard to imagine that I've also gained many meaningful experiences through my 22 months of NS. Of course, many of them are memories that bring a cringe onto my face when I remember them, such as doing push-ups on the scalding-hot basketball court on bookout day during BMT, or having to stay in SI until 9pm on bookout night to clean the toilet, and even having to polish the tracks of a tracked vehicle with black shoe polish. However, nestled amongst the many exhausting and tiring challenges that I have faced the past 22 months are also a few gems of memories; memories of sharing simple joys with new-found friends, of working together with your platoon to achieve what you initially thought was impossible, and of meeting and greeting people from all walks of life. As tough and painful as the past 2 years have been, they have also been equally precious and priceless, and as grudgingly as I have to say this it still must be said: NS has been an absolutely necessary part of my life and I cannot imagine what I would be like today without it.

So it is not with arrogant triumph or condescending sneering that I say this, but with the same nostalgic thoughtfulness with which one might turn the pages of a high school yearbook:

ORD loh

Comfort in Certainty

There is a certain kind of relief, perverse as it may seem, when you see that a tower that has been on the verge of collapse for so long finally starts crumbling down. No more gasping at every little sway of the building to the left or right; no more having your hopes picked up from the ground and then thrown back down again; no more wondering whether the tower had miraculously stabilised itself while you weren't looking the past month and a half. There is a certain comfort in certainty, even if it is a certainty of destruction.

When it all began, I told myself not to take sides and just let the storm ride itself out, but all the things I've seen and heard are just too overwhelming to ignore. And yet, in the end I still find my feet planted firmly in neutral ground.

In other, less depressing news, a friend has suggested that we start a joint HubPage to earn some money on the side. While I'm not very confident in drawing in readers (Exhibit A: this blog), it still seems like something that would be fun to do. After all, what have I got to lose?

One thing at a time

Applying to US universities on your own, without the guidance of teachers or a school, is confusing, exasperating work. I have no idea where to begin. Sometimes I feel like just forgetting about this whole thing, but then again I can't let this chance just slip away, can I?

Gloominess aside, I am officially hooked onto this song used in a recent Homestuck update:



This song is just the perfect combination of smooth, lively and video game retro, but what can I say? My patron troll is awesome.

::::)

Freedom? Maybe later.

Yes, I'm back, and yes, I've been back for 3 days already, so don't bug me about not posting immediately because I KNOW already.

But delusions of actual readership aside, my return from Wallaby pretty much starts the countdown to my ORD. From here on out, I technically have enough off and leave to never set foot in camp until that fateful day, though I'll probably still go back once or twice for the sake of properly handing/taking over my duties. To think, in about a month and a half's time my routine as I have known it for one and a half years will come to an abrupt end. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with all that spare time.

Is it weird that I actually feel hesitant about my ORD? Or maybe more specifically, what I should do before and after the fateful day. Studying for SAT II is only half done; uni applications are also only halfway through; haven't even started on uni essays yet. Am I really ready to venture out on my own? Again: yes, I know it's my fault for not managing my time properly and whatnot; I'm not pushing blame or pointing fingers here, i'm just venting. Why can't you just let a guy vent?

On a less depressing side note, during Wallaby I started reading a webcomic called Homestuck. Well, "webcomic" is being used loosely here because a significant part of the Homestuck experience also consists of gifs, flash animations and even interactive minigames which all serve to present a deliciously complicated storyline filled with alternate dimensions, time travel and aliens just to name a few, as well as hilariously ridiculous running gags and jokes. It is a complexly woven epic which is also not afraid to take itself lightly and thus saves itself from being heavy-handed.

Look at that stunning character art. Isn't that reason enough to start reading Homestuck?

But seriously, irony aside, go read it. It's long and it's confusing, but if you have the patience to follow through with the introductions then you will enjoy it, I guarantee you.

PS: I'm still not yet current with Homestuck so NO SPOILERS!!!

Pseudo-game review: 999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors

It's unfortunate and untimely that at such a fragile point of my life I would start to have such an objectively trivial but emotionally burdensome personal crisis of sorts. And for both problems, the only solution is to wait for Father Time to come and make everything better. Goes to show that people like me can't be left to their own devices for too long or they'll start over-thinking everything. Maybe I just need a good old-fashioned distraction.

Speaking of which, in my time in pre-Wallaby so far I have played and completed a Nintendo DS game called 999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors:

Honestly, before I picked up this game I had no idea exactly what I was in for; all I did was skim through IGN and find that this was a pretty highly recommended mystery visual novel/puzzle-solving point-and-click adventure, which to me meant that I could basically pick up this game in between doing work for a casual gaming experience. Ironically, I ended up devoting hours and even days on this game in a bid to figure it out because it was simply THAT amazing and engaging.

In short summary, you wake up in a place you've never seen before and realise that you've been kidnapped by a mysterious person named Zero and have been forced to play a twisted game of "escape the sinking ship" with 8 other people whom you don't know and find hard to trust. Besides a multitude of challenging puzzles that you have to solve to escape each room, you also have to think about which room you want to go into next and how to answer conversations with the other victims, all of which may or may not completely change the ending you are headed towards. In fact, multiple endings and playthroughs are a defining part of what 999 is all about: you will almost certainly die in your first playthrough, but the knowledge you gain about the whole conspiracy will aid you and tempt you to keep playing to discover more endings. And when you finally piece together all the pieces and unlock all 6 (SIX!!!) possible endings, the entire weight of the game will come crashing down on you and you will spend days thinking about a finale that is equal parts shocking, eerie, heart-warming and pretty much perfectly fitted to the story that has been constructed up till that point. From a storyline, atmosphere and engagement point of view, 999 is simply perfection; there's nothing else I can add to that.

Except, maybe...

That A SEQUEL IS COMING OUT!!!

Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward (the video's title is a literal translation of the Japanese title so it's a bit weird) is a self-contained story, but is made by the same guys who made 999 and features two characters from the previous game, so it's a sequel in a way. While 999's main puzzle mechanic was digital roots, Zero Escape seems to be based around the idea of the Prisoner's Dilemma. The Japanese version is out already, and the North American version will be out on 23 October, which is perfect for when I touch down from Wallaby and start to buy my post-ORD devices. I still don't know if I'm getting a 3DS or a PS Vita, but I do know that either way, this will be one of the first games I'm getting. So PSYCHED for the sequel of a game that I've only played literally just a few days ago. But what can I say; I'm completely smitten.

Take-off

The plane is leaving in 6 hours, but I'm feeling surprisingly emotionless. Maybe that should be the case, but maybe not; Australia will still be the same as it was last year, but the Singapore I'm leaving behind is completely different.

It seems that the motel that is my life is taking in customers now.

Time is Running Out

I'm leaving for Australia in 3 days (for Wallaby, not leisure, so you can stop being jealous now) there's so much to be done in Singapore.

The past few days have been hectic, to say the least. Ever-changing schedules have somehow caused me to lose nearly all my embarkation leave, and until now I'm still not done packing.

Sometimes I feel that I'm in the passenger seat of my own life, only watching but not controlling what happens to me.

If you don't like it, please don't put a ring on it

"Till Death do us part" seems like such an empty promise these days.

You can capture a body, but you cannot capture a heart. And perhaps, having an empty shell of a person is worse than not having someone at all.

And I discovered that my castles stand / Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

Commitment

A calm, serene lake, but all was not as it seemed. Turmoil lurked under the surface, violent undercurrents which rose from the bottom towards the top, ripping everything asunder as they rose. Finally, a leviathan broke through to the surface, shattering the mirror-smooth face of the lake I once mistook for true peace. It was poised, ready to devour the lake and all life within it. Then, just as suddenly, it was gone. A tenuous silence was restored, but it was not the peace I once knew. The surface of the lake rippled constantly, seemingly quivering with fear, wary of the next time the leviathan would strike again.

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone.

Love is not an emotion; love is a commitment.

Transition

It really only just occurred to me that I'm getting pretty close to my ORD. In about four and a half months, I'll be out of the army and thrown into the cold winds of reality, and the ironic thing is that in spite of all the whining and the complaining and the wishing for NS to end, I honestly think that at this point I'm still not ready for what lies beyond. Preparations need to be done, tests need to be taken, universities have to be applied to.

I guess that just leaves four and a half months for all that. Let the transition begin.

Method acting

I like to think that nobody is truly evil or malevolent; some people might place less emphasis on morality in their decision-making processes than others, but I believe that it is always a factor that is duly considered and only acted against in light of the most prudent of their judgement. Rather, it is the circumstances in which people find themselves that compel them to make choices that seem justified to them, but perhaps not others. What outsiders might perceive as errors of judgement or even direct antagonisation might just be the best or only viable course of action for someone, all things considered.

The problem is that other people might not think the same way I do, and in the end people get despised not for who they are, but for the characters they have to play as; blamed for the decisions that are hard to follow through with but have to be made in the face of the situation.

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players

Monster

My anger is something that I try to mitigate, because I have seen in my youth that I'm not very good at controlling it once it breaks loose. I thought I've been doing a pretty good job at it, and I honestly thought that I wouldn't again succumb to the mindless lashing out that accompanies a pure, blind rage. Two weeks ago, it nearly happened. I was trying to maintain my composure, but I could feel myself losing grip on the monster within. It felt like my skin was a porcelain shell cracking, and pure molten rage was spewing out from the fissures. I managed to keep my anger from reaching explosive levels, but the damage has already been done.

The weird and the wonderful

For those of you who have forgotten (and if so, shame on you), Art By Numbers released their debut album, Reticence: The Musical, on 29th May. It's a really catchy album which would be a great gateway for people trying to get into prog metal and even metal in general, but still manages to stand tall in terms of technical skills and writing. They decided to mostly drop the screamo from their Reyes and Minotaur days (those songs make a comeback in non-screamo versions, by the way), which is not necessarily bad, but just different. I've listened through the album about 4 times already and I'm still trying to decide on my favourite song of the album, so instead of giving any recommendations I'll just link directly to their full album stream and you can decide on your own.

Now that we're done with the wonderful, it's time to talk about that other thing. And if you think that I'm being judgmental by calling out a whole other genre of music as "weird", then I assure that what you're about to see and hear is objectionably weird. Say hello to BabyMetal:





It's kawaii-style J-pop... With death metal... I'm not sure if I need to say anything else. But all things said and done, "weird" does not necessarily exclude "good", and I can't say that I outright don't like this music; the metal parts are decent enough, and the J-pop parts are bearable. But then you get to actually watching the music videos, with the 3 girls acting sickeningly cute enough to give anyone diabetes against a backdrop of blast beats and guitar riffs, and I find myself getting goosebumps every time I force myself to sit through them. I'd hate to jump on the "WTF Japan" bandwagon, but seriously can you blame me in this case?

Reigniting an old flame

If you know me, you'll know that up until quite recently I was still moderately active in playing Pokemon. I challenged D/P Battle Tower like there was no tomorrow (and finally managed to get a >100 streak using Togekiss/Garchomp/Milotic :D ) and dabbled in ShoddyBattle. I was pretty interested in the competitive Pokemon scene, and clearing the main story was simply something I had to do to unlock the Battle Tower and grab all the essential items and TMs. Then B/W came out. I was very impressed by the effort put in to develop plot and character development that was miles ahead of any Pokemon game before it. It really recaptured the feeling of wanting to be a Pokemon master and wanting to save the world from evil. I was actually engaged in the Unova lore.

Time came and went, and I eventually lost interest in competitive Pokemon (because the metagame is now saturated with weather -.- ), and for a while now I thought that with that I had lost interest in Pokemon as a whole. This video changed that:



After being jaded towards Pokemon for so long, this animated trailer for the upcoming Pokemon Black 2 and White 2 reminded me that I love the series for more than simply Pokemon Online and competitive battling. It reminded me that every playthrough represents a new adventure against great odds, every character a friend or foe whose presence will still be felt after the final credits roll, and every battle an epic clash of power and wit. This video puts into visual form every childhood fantasy of anybody who has ever played Pokemon as a child.

Now I remember what it feels like to be excited for a new Pokemon release not because of that new Pokemon with awesome stats or that broken ability or that revolutionary move, but because it's yet another road into a fantastical land that I yearn to immerse myself in.

Carpe Diem

An accident in the news is just a noteworthy piece of information at best. An accident that happens close to heart is suddenly so much more.

This morning, there was yet another accident involving NSFs: a jeep carrying four NSFs overturned. Of the four, two made it out relatively unscathed, one suffered lacerations, and the last passenger unfortunately passed away in hospital.

This is not the first time an NSF has died during army training, but this one strikes especially close to home. Not only am I now an NSF as well and the same age as the victim, but he was also from the same Catholic High School batch as I. I did not really know him personally, but the idea that someone so similar to myself suddenly had his life snatched away from him, like a carpet pulled away from under his feet, is disconcerting to say the least. Suddenly, I am reminded that fate is blind and the reaper harvests from young and old alike. Ironically, I find myself going back to a philosophy that was frequently championed back in Cat High: Carpe Diem.

BUTTERSAFE

Alright, after all that jazz, the SAT is finally over. Some things went quite well, some things could have gone better, but overall I don't really want to dwell on the past anymore. Instead, I have focused my attention on hilariously retarded webcomics. And here is where I present my bountiful find of the night: http://buttersafe.com/. I actually wanted to post some of the funnier comics here, but then I realised it would be pointless because it's all funny. So instead, I will post the URL again with an extra-large font.

http://buttersafe.com/

There you go. Now get off this blog. Buttersafe is waiting.

How do I academics again?

The HQ Armour off week (AKA my pre-SAT off week) has come to a close, and tomorrow is the actual SAT. Regardless of how much (or how little) preparation I've managed to squeeze in, now is the time to let it all show. Truth be told though, I'm still having trouble plotting my course of action after this. University choices are still nothing but whispers in the fog for me right now, even as the deadline draws closer for me to make my decision. And that's not even considering other less urgent but still present matters to deal with, namely whether and when I'm going to get my driver's license. Oh well, at this juncture all I can do is do my best for tomorrow's test and see where it goes from there.

Here's to my first major exam in one and a half years. Wish me good luck. Do it now. I DEMAND IT. WISH ME.