then i watched as his grandniece went up on stage to present her eulogy. she talked about Mr Goh not as someone who admired his groundbreaking nation-building efforts, but simply as the grateful and nostalgic recipient of a granduncle's unconditional love. she didn't look much older than i did - maybe around twenty years old. suddenly, Mr Goh was no longer the political figure whom i've been conditioned my entire life to look up to unquestionably. and it wasn't just a granduncle i saw either. suddenly, i saw my own grandfather in the anecdotes she recounted: a man who would jump at any chance to hail his grandson as a prodigy; a man who shied away from open displays of affection but who always managed to let you feel his concern for you; most importantly, a man who would willingly and immediately give everything to everyone he loved without thinking about saving for himself.
and then my attention turned back to her. her eulogy was so beautiful and touching; how could mine compare? did i fail in my duty as a grandson by not giving him a farewell as beautiful? i know that if i were to bring it up to anyone now they would say that that was a nonsensical thought; in fact, i'm very sure that my grandfather himself would say that it was the best eulogy ever. but of course all that would just be to comfort me; there's still that heavy feeling in my gut, like i could have done better.
song lyrics from A7X's song, Dear God:
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired; I'm missing you again, oh no... Once again.
