Sometimes i think that my behaviour is like that of a chameleon; a chameleon can be any colour it chooses, but it always chooses to blend in with the background. all my life i've always tried to blend in with the crowd and be one of the masses. i've always hated standing out or being unique, but now it seems nearly impossible to just become an average student with the excessive attention that the school is giving me. today during H3 maths, mr teo asked me whether i wanted to board so that i can be tutored by "a graph theory expert" (quoted from him) who happens to be boarding this term, and even offered to help me get in even though it's past the application date. i hesitated and said that i needed to ask my parents first, cos i feel that it's really very unfair to the other H3 maths ppl who only joined this year. why do i get the special treatment while the others are forced to wait till the graph theory lessons start again in term 3? why cant i be treated just the same?
sometimes, the line gets blurry between striving for myself and striving for the school. i begin to ask myself how much of this i am doing is for the sake of my own satisfaction and sense of achievement, and how much is at the behest of the school. i wont deny that i want to get good grades for my A levels, but nowadays i wonder how much of this was implanted by the teachers who have been talking to me over and over again.
and speaking of fading into the background, i suddenly realise that a lot of the friendships i made are disappearing too. it just hit me that i dont even keep in touch with many of my fellow OG17 people anymore. the situation is still alright with the usual clique, but i havent spoken to some of the others since last year's orientation. i guess when you meet so many different people in such a short time during orientation, it's natural that you wont be able to maintain contact with all of them. sometimes the personalities just dont click well enough for friendships to be formed in such a short time. at least things are better with OG10 this year. i really hope that they (or should i say "we") will remain friends long after orientation and perhaps even after NJC.
and NJC says that i owe them a college blazer, when i have never so much as touched one of those garishly red garments my entire life. and the problem is that the loan date was so long ago that i cant remember if i let anyone borrow my ez-link card to borrow a blazer. im gonna go clarify things tomorrow, so hopefully i wont end up paying for a blazer i never used.
i've been having problems with youtube since last night. for some reason, i cant play any youtube videos embedded into my blog, which is also the reason why the music player doesnt work anymore. also, i cant play youtube videos on people's youtube channels, but i can view videos normally when im not in somebody's channel. are you guys having this problem too or is it just me?
H3 physics test this saturday. i have an ominous feeling about it.
