An unsettling thought that has been in the back of my mind these past few days: if i already screwed up the previous tests and the lab practicals, does it really even matter how i do for this final test? i know that this test is still the biggest decider of my overall grade, but 30% is still a very large percentage, and i keep thinking back on those tests and practicals and can't help but think i didn't do all too well for them. all the studying, it seems so pointless.
it's like fighting a war that was never meant to be won, this and H3 math alike. it's already mid-year, but whenever all the dust from everyday goings-on has settled and i'm left alone to think back, i always wonder why i decided to go down this path knowing that it's a dead end. it wasn't just another H3 that i decided to take; with it i also implicitly agreed to bear the weight of expectation on my shoulders. the eyes of friends, classmates, teachers, even the upper levels of the school, are all glaring down on me like the desert sun, with no shelter in sight. of course some of my friends tell me to ignore all that pressure and walk down this path for me and no one else, but it's really easier said than done. unfortunately, i don't think the school is going to let off their first 13 academic unit taker in years with a "just try your best :) ". i just wish there was some tactful way to tell people that i cannot be your perfect little top scorer. it's no use getting everyone's hopes up now when i'm just going to disappoint them next year. so here's the deal: i predict getting a pass for H3 physics, and a pass for H3 math if i'm lucky. don't come to me next year and go "hey you're supposed to be the scholar so why didn't you get distinction for everything?" because i have made it very clear here that that is NOT going to happen.
and i'll admit it: i've grown to like Psychosocial. i still haven't changed my perspective of Slipknot though; their other songs are really mediocre, and i never go for one-hit wonder bands.
